Views from the Attic Window

Didja Miss Me?

2011-10-11T12:10:00.002-06:00

Yeah, it's been a while. I've been focusing on school and work and family and church and work and stuff.

I figured since most of my readers were either on facebook or knew Heidi that they'd get their fix from those (and it's not like I had a plethora of readers in the first place).

But Heidi said I needed to blog a video made by one of my students for World Literature. I make my kids do group presentations. This semester, one of the texts is Gilgamesh. As a finale to their presentation, one of my groups produced this:

Also, I have been blogging since the semester started. I didn't want to use this account because I like to keep some distance between my students and my personal life. It's all about world lit and superheroes, but you can check it out if you want. http://bahlmannworldlit.blogspot.com/

Other than that, I'm just plugging along and hoping I have what it takes to finish this thing I've started.

Topsy Turvy

2011-07-01T19:32:00.002-06:00

As many of you know, I recently totally revamped my grad committee. It's been a much better fit and they've been great to work with, but there's been an unexpected complication.

My new adviser is expecting me to be a part of the process for deciding what kinds of questions will be on my qualifying exams. My last adviser basically told me the way things were and I had to kinda roll with it; it seemed that my interests were less important than making sure I knew what I needed to know.

This new approach has turned me all inside out and topsy turvy. I feel like i got caught in a riptide that's pulled me round. It's going the direction I think I should be going, but it takes some adjustments.

One of the most frightening things is that my adviser asked me what I wanted to focus on and I'm struggling to know what that is. I know some of the things that interest me, but I don't know what is academic enough to give me scholastic focus. I haven't actually felt like I've been able to pay attention to what I've wanted to pay attention to for a while.

I know this is as much my fault as anyone else's. True, my adviser could have helped me to that realization, but ultimately the fault is mine.

This weekend, Heidi is up visiting family. I'm trying to use that time to help me figure it out. I know some of what I like, but I don't know what I want to use as an overarching focus. I can't make it out of a patchwork.

I know I like Hellboy. I know I'm fascinated by the way dads are portrayed on TV. I love the idea of looking at Firefly's Jayne and his kind of intelligence. I'm intrigued by what superheros do for us, from Beowulf, to Batman, to action heroes.

I think I'm mostly looking at masculinity and what pop culture tells us about being men and fathers and husbands and heroes. The thing is that I don't know where to find the kind of scholarship that can help me inform my knowledge and education and understanding. How am I supposed to craft myself in to a professor that can get a job and teach something worth teaching with this kind of focus?

I don't know if this is coming across, but I just don't know yet how to craft my focus and I have less than a year to get it more or less nailed down. It'll work out 'cause it has to, but I'm really looking forward to getting myself adjusted to this new, and much stronger, current.

United We Stand . . .

2011-05-03T10:09:00.002-06:00

I was going to sit on this for a while, but the rhetoric that has been poring out, especially on Facebook, is starting to drive me crazy, so here goes.

When the Tea Party first hit the scene, I loved the idea of going back to the founding fathers for inspiration, of trying to ground our politics in their ideals. Since then, I've become less a fan of the Tea Party-ers and I'm going to try to explain why here. The flag they chose to represent their movement is significant, and a good move rhetorically for their professed purpose. But, as I've been thinking about it, I would choose a different snake to represent my feelings about the current political situation in the United States of America.

As the colonists were struggling to develop their identity, Ben Franklin published the first political cartoon in America. It represented the colonies as a snake having been cut into several pieces, drawing on the superstition that a snake would survive if its severed body was rejoined before the sun went down.

If I were to make a political push, this would be the symbol I would choose. As I watch and listen to the speeches and Facebook posts and arguments and commentary, all I hear is antagonism toward anyone who opposes the speaker's point of view. Frankly, I'm getting tired of it. And I think that if the situation isn't remedied that we are going to see the death of the nation.

I understand that politically speaking some of us will never see eye to eye. I respect the differences and I recognize that creates some serious challenges. It seemed, though, that in the past there was more willingness to find some sort of workable middle ground. As I understand it, there were compromises in the framing of our country, not because people enjoyed the compromises but because they understood the need for a greater good, for a unified nation over the need to enforce their own agenda.

I thought about putting in examples, but I don't think I will. Because of my experience, I have friends from all sorts of political views. The lack of willingness to honestly try to find a middle ground is a guilt that both the left and the right share. As a nation, we seem unwilling to admit that we agree on anything, except that we don't agree on anything.

Honestly, that scares me a little. I don't think that any good can come from perpetuating the current political climate.

. . . divided we fall.

Kid History

2011-05-01T19:37:00.002-06:00

Alright, I have some things I want to throw out onto my blog, but I thought I'd start with something light and pleasant. If my readership soars again (at one point, I think I might have hit double digits even), then I can start asking for advice and such. Until then, I offer you this.

There's a lot of really lame stuff out there on youtube. Every now and then, I come across something that's actually fun and worth the time.

Without further ado, I give you Kid History Episode 1.

There are four episodes in the series thus far.

Heidi told me I had to post these specifically for my sister-by-marriage Carianne. Enjoy.

I Failed

2011-04-18T10:11:00.002-06:00

Yup, that's right. I failed my qualifying exams. After over six months of preparation, stress and strain I failed. On the plus side, I did pass the rhetoric portion of the exam. So, I have two other areas in which I'm going to have to re-test.

I've had a weekend to deal with this, but my emotions are still a bit raw. So bear with me. Part of this is an exercise in excising my demons, part is that I've learned things that I think may be worth sharing and part is just because I think better when I write and I think what I'm going through might be of benefit to others in some way. In any case, this could be a bit fragmented and jumpy. If you don't want to deal with that, by all means let this one go.

First, a demon to excise. I've always felt a bit inadequate in academia. I'm the first in my immediate family to get a Bachelors degree and the only one in my family that I know of to ever pursue a PhD. So, there have been times when I've felt that between my upbringing and my genetics and whatever that I'm just not good enough to succeed in grad school. Because of this test, I have a piece of empirical evidence that I can hold up to say, "Look, all the rest of you passed on your first try. I didn't. It seems pretty obvious that I'm lacking something that you're not."

I know mentally that that's probably not true, that I can hold my own academically with my colleagues. But knowing something and feeling it are sometimes very different things. Unfortunately, I have this thing I can look at that my feelings take as validation of my unworthiness. Not true, but that' probably the biggest demon I've got coming out of this thing.

On the other hand, this failure has actually helped me to excise another demon I've been carrying with me for decades. See, I've always harbored a sneaking suspicion that the people who associate with me have reasons other than that they actually like me. Whether it was just kindness, or proximity, or boredom, or whatever, I frequently wondered about the real motivation behind people's associations with me.

For whatever reason, the outreach from my friends and colleagues over the weekend has cured me of that feeling. In looking at their concern for my well-being, I've become convinced for some reason that they really do care about me and that there isn't any real ulterior motive to our friendship.

I've had a lot of offers for help. The catch is that I was raised to be a helper, not a helpee. I'm not even sure what I need at this point, so asking for help is hard on multiple levels. I can't as for what I don't know I need and I don't want to bother people, some of whom are dealing with their own stresses right now. I very much appreciate the offers, and I promise that if I think of something that I'll ask, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

I know this is going to all work out and be okay. In fact, I expect I'll even grow and maybe become a better person in the long run. But between then and now, I may cry some more. I may hate the world. I may have some pretty low days. But , you know what, that's okay. This is probably the single biggest setback I've had to deal with since Heidi and I got married, if not in my entire life. It's okay that I'm not okay with this right now.

So, now that this is getting long, I think I'll quit. I want to thank you all who have prayed, given good thoughts, lit candles or done whatever. I want to thank all of you who have reached out since you found out I failed. It has helped me to cope, just knowing you're there. I definitely have to thank a wife who has sat back and tried to figure out how to help me deal with this and not being able to.

I have good people in my life. I will eventually be able to bounce back from this. This is not the end of the world. But if I want to feel that way every now and then, for a little while, that's okay too.

Father Figures

2010-11-19T20:43:00.003-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, as I was giddily posting about the greatness of our fourth child's birth, I got a comment from a former teacher of mine that essentially said that he always thought I was a good man. It was a huge boost to my sometimes fragile self-esteem. I was actually surprised by how much it affected me that a man I knew ten years ago thought well of me. It made me realize that wherever I've gone, I've found surrogate fathers/older brothers who have helped me, guided me, and given me a need to find their approval.

This is not at all to say that my dad didn't do all these things, but as I've moved out of his purview, both bodily and in my career trajectory, I've found others who have continued that sort of inspiration I've had from my father and still have from him today. His approval of my actions and choices still matters to me.

In every place I've lived, in every station of life, I've found people who could inspire me and drive me to achieve. Whether it was scholastically, in the theater, in my writing, in being a father, in balancing the workload, or whatever, I have been blessed to find role-models after which I could patter portions of my performance. This isn't to say that they were all perfect in all aspects, but they worked where I needed them.

On a discussion forum I visited, a writer suggested that we choose a mentor for certain aspects of our development. While I've done that time and again, I never actually went to these people and asked specifically if they would mentor me--something he suggested I do. So, for those of you whom I have used as mentors and inspiration, I apologize for not asking you and I hope you don't mind. I dare say that none of you do, if you even know I did it.

More than anything, I want to thank all of you who have served in that capacity, especially my own dad. Thank you for letting me use you as a scale by which I could measure my own progress. Thank you for letting me see that success is possible, regardless of what kind it may be. Thank you for letting me know that you approve (that one is huge for me). Thank you for caring. Thank you for living a life that made you a role-model worth looking up to. Thank you for not betraying that trust I put in you.

I only hope I can do as well for anyone crazy enough to want to use me as a father figure. I know I have a few people who already do and it kinda scares me sometimes. But using you as my exemplars seemed to turn out okay for me, so maybe they're not going to be completely out of luck using me.

Complete

2010-11-08T19:52:00.002-07:00

My daughter and wife are home now. I think pretty nearly everyone who reads this knows that we had our fourth child on Sunday. Everything went really well and very quickly. We're all still adjusting.

It's been a pretty emotional ride for me. I know some people say that mothers bond with kids better and they deserve more recognition, credit or whatever. I don't really care.

As I sit here holding this new little miracle I have a hard time dealing with my feelings. I've heard it described as having your heart walking around outside your body. But Heidi already has my heart. Marcus has my heart. Anneke has my heart. Luke has my heart. How do I have any left for this little girl? But I do. Mallory has my heart. In a way it frightens me. So much of what matters to me is growing up and will determine for themselves what to do with the love that I have for them. I can't control what they do even if I want to.

It's overwhelming sometimes.

She hasn't even been here for two days yet and I love her already with all my capacity to love. I love her and all my kids with a love that doesn't fit in English words.

I said it on facebook but I'll repeat it here. It's a good thing I'm so tall because I've been totally wrapped around the fingers of three of the most beautiful girls in the whole wide world. And as much as it scares me sometimes, I wouldn't have it any other way.

(if you don't have a facebook account, you can try Heidi's blog for pictures. If that's not satisfactory I can try to post pictures on here, but blogger's picture feature and I aren't the best of friends)

Liminal

2010-10-19T11:35:00.002-06:00

Liminality (from the Latin word līmen, meaning "a threshold"^[1]) is a psychological, neurological, or metaphysical subjective state, conscious or unconscious, of being on the "threshold" of or between two different existential plane.

So, I've been having a hard time concentrating on school work lately. I'm hoping that maybe talking about some of what's going on in my head will help me clear the clutter from my attic so I can focus on what I'm in Las Vegas to do.

One of the things that's been causing me some trouble can be encapsulated in this concept of liminality I've put above. Essentially, when you don't quite fit in either of two dichotomous societies and there's no real third place to be, you're in a liminal space. While some may disagree, I feel very liminal right now.

See, here's the thing. I'm too politically conservative for most of my colleagues in the English department, but I'm too liberal for most of my friends in my congregation. For example, I think both Harry Reid and Sharron Angle are terrible choices for Nevada's senate seat. Also, I have a hard time finding my place in the debate over homosexuality. I know what I believe, but I don't know how that belief should influence my politics.

Also, at school I'm the only person I know who is trying to finish my degree while bringing a wife and kids into the mix. Some of my colleagues are married. Some are pregnant. I know of one or two that have kids in high school and are coming back to finish earlier work. There are even a few who have a kid or will be having a kid soon, but none have quite the quantity of family obligations I do.

On the flip side, none of my church associates quite get the onus of grad school. Many of them put in a lot of work in their professions, but most of them get paid significantly more than I do.

At school, I sometimes feel my blue collar roots. I don't quite feel up to the level of book learnin' that my colleagues have attained. At my security job, I'm the bookish one. I think I'm the only one not licensed for a concealed carry permit. I think I'm also the only one who can't say I own guns.

I frequently find myself in a quandary. I don't feel like I fit in with my university friends but I don't feel quite like I belong with my church friends. Because of my busy schedule, I don't have any other acquaintances outside of those two circles. So, I really don't know who to turn to.

I want to make it clear now that none of my associates intentionally alienate me. On the contrary, most of them do a great deal to try to reach out and support me. I'm surrounded by a great bunch of people who are doing as much as they can to help me through difficulties that they have a hard time comprehending. I'm very, very grateful for their support.

But the fact that none of them quite get my situation sometimes makes it worse. All of these people around me who want to help, including Heidi, and none of them can quite figure out how. The real kick in the chops is that I'm incapable of telling them how myself. I'm incapable of coming up with ways to relieve the pressures that weigh me down.

I don't mean to sound all whiney and complainey. Overall, my life is really pretty good. I do have concerns that need resolving, but I really don't have much of a right to complain. What I'm trying to do is just clear this out of my head so I can get past it and start being more productive with all the hats I have to wear.

People before me have gotten through this; so can I.

Choice with Consequence

2010-09-09T11:27:00.003-06:00

Right now, I'm breaking blog silence rather than do school work. Yes, I'm choosing and yes there will be a consequence, but this is not why I'm writing. I'm writing because yesterday I had an epiphany that nearly completely resolved a question I've had for decades (wow, I'm old enough to have been thinking on something for decades. Sheesh!).

I always wondered why God put the tree in the Garden if Adam and Eve weren't supposed to eat it. It's kinda like putting the cookies on the table and then telling the kids not to touch them, or telling Anneke not to move. It's a doomed proposition from the start.

I learned in church that we-us Mormons believe that the fall was indeed part of God's great plan. We actually don't condemn Adam and Eve as harshly as much of Christianity does because we believe that "Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy" (2 Nephi 2:25). So, it was a good thing that Adam and Eve ate the fruit. I can go with that. But the next thing that I couldn't figure out is why, if it was a good thing, that God forbid it. If it's a good thing, then why was it a bad thing? I've wondered this for a long time.

Years later, I think I get it. One of the most important things God gave us was the right to choose, the right to our agency. It was worth fighting a war in heaven for us to keep it. Worth our Father banishing 1/3 of his family because, in part, they chose not to choose. Our freedom of choice is so valuable to our Heavenly Father that he allows us to do all sorts of things he doesn't want us to do simply because we choose to do them.

How does this tie in to the whole tree thing? Well, I'm glad you asked. See, for our choices to matter, there has to be a consequence. It doesn't have to be a bad consequence necessarily, some consequences are good, but there does have to be a consequence. That's why I tend to argue that God really doesn't care what kind of beans we get at the grocery store. Generally speaking, there is no consequence of any import between choosing Western Family, Great Value or Green Giant.

Adam and Eve were living in a utopia of sorts, a seemingly ideal place of sunshine and light and daisies. When you live in a society like that, the only choices of any real consequence are those that fracture the utopia. It really wouldn't have been a huge test of agency whether Adam and Eve chose to pick flowers or go for a walk or throw rocks in the stream. That's no big deal. There was no real consequence in choosing between grapes or pears or nectarines to eat. Again, not a big deal.

But, since God forbid them to eat of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, choosing to eat of that fruit did have a consequence. If God hadn't forbidden it, then eating of the tree would have been simply another choice without any real impact. But because our Heavenly Father did forbid it, it became a choice that mattered, that came with a consequence. In order to be able to make choices that mattered, that helped us to learn to be "perfect, even as [our] Father in heaven is perfect" (Matt 5:48), we had to be able to make choices that mattered, choices with consequences.

If Eve hadn't made that choice with consequence, and if Adam hadn't followed her, there would have been no opportunity for anyone else to ever be able to make choices that helped us to grow.

So, God didn't forbid the choice because he didn't want them to make a bad choice. He forbade it because he wanted to make it possible for Adam and Eve to eventually make good choices, choices with consequences, choices that helped them to become more like him, more like he wanted them to be.

And he forbid it so that we could all have the chance to make the choices that mattered, too.

For Now

2010-08-20T19:48:00.000-06:00

I'm going to not be posting for a while. I have too many things that need my time and something has to change. Since this is a less vital part of my life, it's going to have to stop for a while.

I won't be posting and probably won't be checking blogs for a while.

Sorry.

Thinking About Faith and Works

2010-08-07T22:31:00.002-06:00

“Yea, a man may say, Thou has faith, and I have works: shew me thy faith without thy works, and I will shew thee my faith by my works.” James 2:18

As I mentioned before, I’ve had what may be an epiphany about the relationship between grace and works while I was in Texas. To be honest, it’s soemthing I’ve been pondering for a long time. I’m thinking I might have it figured out enough to be worth sharing. See, the thing is that it stems from the idea that maybe we Mormons aren’t doing something quite as well as the Christians do and if I don’t say this right, there may be an uprising against me and I’ll lose Facebook friends and my stake president might read it and have a nice little chat with me and so on and so forth.

All I ask is that you hear me out to the end before you start judging me too hard.

A while back, President Hinckley invited all those who don’t share our faith to “bring all the truth that they had and see if we couldn’t add to it.” The underlying idea is that all truth fits under the umbrella of the gospel of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Honestly, I am comfortable with that idea. Unfortunately, what I think happens is that we as members assume that since the Church espouses all truth that we as members have a greater concept of truth than our non-member counterparts. With this attitude, we can get locked in to our own understanding and refuse to see the truth in opposing viewpoints. Honestly, it’s a lot like most evangelical politicians: I’m right and you’re wrong and that’s the end of it. Period.

But I’m thinking that sometimes we as individuals might not get it as well as some of those outside the church. The prime example of that is espoused in our approach to James 2:18. We tend to take that scruipture and the idea that we need to work out our salvation and extrapolate that into an unhealthy mindset that our Christian brothers and sisters don’t have. Sometimes I think we begin to believe that we have to earn our exaltation, that if we do enough then we qualify for the Kingdom of Heaven through our own merits. Now, I grant you that most of us wouldn’t say this consciously, but I think that it lurks just below the surface of our discussions about works and grace.

When I was growing up, I heard the metaphor of a man who owned a rowboat with a paddle marked works and a paddle marked grace. The story illustrated that without works, you go in circles. The thing is that the story also illustrates that without grace, we get the exact same results.

All of the Christians that I know personally are full of good works. They live very Christian lives of sacrifice, service and concern for their fellow beings. Even though they may not openly discuss the need for works in the gospel as they know it, their lives overflow with acts worthy of any disciple of Christ. But they deny the need for works.

In fact, I think that’s what gives them the edge. Their works are motivated by nothing more than gratitude for the gift of God’s grace, for the incomprehensible gift of the atonement of Jesus Christ. Because of that deep gratitude there is no need for works, they become a joy, an opportunity to show thanks for the grace that saves them from the clutches of the devil. Rather than, “I have to go serve in the nursery” or “Great, it’s the end of the month, now I have to go home teaching”, they respond with, “I thank God for his grace and this chance I have to show my gratitude by helping those around me.”

I have to say that I think our Heavenly Father is much happier with their attitude about serving Him than He is with the way ours can be sometimes.

Granted, their attitude can be taken to an extreme. I remember a conversation I had on my mission where my companion asked one of these Christians, “So, if I accept Christ tonight and come over and put a cap in your head tomorrow, I’m still saved?” As much as he didn’t want to, the guy we were talking to felt like he had to say, “Yes.” What this guy was forgetting is that we show our change of heart by our works. If I claim to accept the grace of Christ and beat my kids and cheat on my wife, then my conversion can’t have been a very genuine one.

But what they get so much better than we do is that an understanding and acceptance of Jesus’ sacrifice for us and a true drawing of our hearts to his makes it so that all the things that God asks us to do become simply another opportunity to demonstrate gratitude rather than just another thing we have to do in hopes that it’s enough to get us in to heaven.

The thing is, and the thing we always need to remember, is that we can’t do enough to get us in to heaven. It’s impossible. We have already lost our right to exaltation. What we can do is accept the atonement of Jesus Christ, His eternal sacrifice for us, and let it work in us and change us into the kind of people who belong with him in the eternities. Then whatever things He asks us to do become easy and delightful.

Tripping on Texas

2010-07-29T16:54:00.002-06:00

We got back last night from a long trip to Texas. Heidi pointed out it was the first family vacation we'd been on since we moved to Boulder, Colorado over four years ago. It was also only my second day off in over a month and a half. It kinda goes without saying that we needed this. What follows is going to be one of those hodge-podge posts where I try to extrapolate meaning and purpose from our trip.

I still remember the first time Heidi wanted to go to Texas. I was less than thrilled because the place where I served my mission along the border between Texas and Mexico wasn't the prettiest place in the world. However, when I got to see the hill country where she grew up I started to become a convert. It doesn't hurt that her sister has a fairly large piece of land with a creek running through it where the kids were free to fish and swim.

I also noticed after we got back to Las Vegas that there's a huge difference in attitude. Where we were in Texas there was a lot of "sir" and "ma'am". Most people either smiled or were on the verge of smiling. In Las Vegas there are a lot more words that I can't write on a family blog and Most people seem to be on the verge of a frown. Kerrville is just a much friendlier place. I know some of you, my intrepid handful of readers, like Las Vegas and that's fine. To put it simply, I don't.

Our visit was kinda busy. We did a lot of running around and doing a lot of stuff, most of it seemed to be centered around making a week-long birthday party for Anneke. We even got to go upstairs at the movie theater. I now have footage of Iron Man 2 (even though we still haven't managed to see the movie itself). Anneke got to help start Despicable Me (which was actually worth watching). We also went to Build-a-Bear, hung out with grandparents, had a tea party, and watched several movies. I even picked up a rather understated Texas belt buckle.

We're adjusting to being home. I think everyone is a bit tired out. It was a good vacation, but not a whole lot of sleep was had. It's also a bit of a downer to return to the daily grind after a week of relaxation and carefreeness (spell-check actually has no problems with that word). Thanks, Cari and fam, for the good time and the hospitality and the warm welcome. I'm hoping we can do this again soon.

I had some thoughts on the relationship between grace and works that I want to articulate and some thoughts about evolution, but I'm thinking both of those are posts unto themselves, so I'm going to hold off on those. But for now, I think I need to work on being home for real.

And Now for Something Totally New: A Recipe

2010-07-14T19:21:00.003-06:00

One of the things we knew we'd miss most about Colorado was a little eatery called Noodles and Company. We knew they hadn't made it in to Nevada yet and it made us sad. The cost to quality ratio at that restaurant is ridiculous. Totally loved the place.

Anyway, we recently decided to see if we could reverse engineer some pesto cavatappi for several reasons. It was kinda on a whim, but we thought we'd give it a try. It helps that their website has a complete list of ingredients for the dish and that there's more than one youtube video of the executive chef making the dish. seriously, guys, how easy are you going to make it for us to do this?

So, our first shot out of the box we totally just eyeballed it. It turned out quite nicely. this next time, I figured I'd try to get some measurements down and this is the recipe I ended up with. Keep in mind some of these measures are kinda rough, so adjust as you see fit.

Pesto Cavatappi Like Noodles and Co.

Olive oil

1 c. sliced mushrooms

1 c. diced tomatoes

16 oz. cavatappi noodles, cooked and drained

3 T. cream (we use whipping cream)

8 T. pesto sauce

salt

parmesan cheese

Warm a large skillet over medium heat. lightly cover the bottom of the skillet with olive oil. Add the mushrooms and tomatoes and sauté for a few minutes.

Add cavatappi, cream and pesto sauce. Mix thoroughly. Add salt and parmesan to taste (though we add about 1 t. of salt and around 1 T. of parmesan).

So, there you have it. It's a big hit at our house. I'm guessing it'll probably go pretty well at yours too.

It's My Pregnancy Too

2010-07-03T13:16:00.001-06:00

Alright, this has been something that has been stewing in my head for a while now. I think Heidi may be sick of me talking about it so I’m going to put it out there and see what kind of backlash I can get.

When we were debating about finding out the sex of Numero Quatro, someone casually remarked that since it was Heidi’s pregnancy that she should get to make the decision. It bugged me when I read it. It bugged me the next day. It’s pretty much been bugging me ever since. I’ve asked for the opinion of a few others and they kind of settled on a percentage breakdown (i.e. the baby is 70% Heidis and 30% mine right now). While I appreciate getting some ownership, I have to say that still doesn’t work for me.

Hopefully, I can explain why well enough to not get my head chopped off.

First, I think we’re doing fathers who want to be involved a real disservice by telling them they have no ownership of their unborn child. In a society that has so much trouble getting men to bear up under their parental responsibilites this kind of disconnect doesn’t seem to be very helpful. I was there at the conception and it was my genetic material that was partially responsible for the pregnancy. But from that point until the child is born, I don’t get any say? So, when does it become mine? Once it gets out of the womb? That hardly seems right since I didn’t do much there. The first dipaer change after it gets home? The first one o’clock feeding? Once the mother no longer wants to bear sole responsibility for its care then I “get” to share in the ownership?

Is it any wonder that so many fathers see these kids as a burden? We’re pushed out of connecting with this child as it develops and are only allowed to be a part of this whole thing when it becomes too much for our wives to handle. Let us be involved from the first moment. Let us share in ownership from the time Mom’s belly starts to swell. If we think of it as ours from the very beginning, we’re going to want to be more involved.

Second, I want to paint for you a scenario, a metaphor if you will, that I think helps to articulate another reason why I think this attitude is problematic. In our house, I earn all the money that our family makes. Every cent that has come in to our home for the last nine months or so has come from my labors. Based on the concept that this is Heidi’s pregnancy since she is doing all the work, shouldn’t all the money I bring in belong solely to me, then?

I can almost imagine people saying, “Yeah, but Heidi does work around the house. She puts in hours of work fixing meals, cleaning, doing laundry, taking care of the kids . . .” and so on and so on. Guess what. I agree completely. I have no problem with the idea that all the money I bring in to our coffers is ours. It all belongs just as much to Heidi as it does to me (and since she is primarily in charge of budgeting, you could even argue it belongs more to her than it does to me).

But here’s the thing. Since Heidi has gotten pregnant, she’s had to make some adjustments to what she can and can’t do. Who is it that picks up the slack? Me. Who rubs her feet because the extra and oddly distributed weight makes them ache? Me. Who is it that cooks all the meat we eat practically from the moment of conception because it makes Heidi sick to do so? Me. Who does all the things that Heidi’s expanding belly make it impossible for her to do, even though it used to be her responsibility? Yeah, you guessed it.

If Heidi deserves to claim ownership over my income because of her supporting role in the home, it makes sense to me that I can claim ownership of this growing child because of my supporting role. In both cases, as far as I’m concerned, I tend to believe that the object in question (the money or the baby) is both 100% mine and 100% Heidi’s. There’s no need to parse it out into divisons because this kind of thing doesn’t require any sort of mathematical formula so much as a unifying spirit. One that I believe my wife and I share with each other.

I’m not saying that being pregnant is as hard on me as it is on Heidi. I’m not saying that she’s not dealing with a whole lot more than I am. I’m not even saying that Heidi has dumped all of what she used to do in my lap and expects me to pick up the pieces. I’m just saying that I want desperately to be a part of my wife’s pregnancy and the new child that is already a part of me.

I guess, ultimately, the fact that Heidi is letting me claim this baby already is all that matters. To some extent, the rest of you can go stick your head in a lake. It’s my baby already, mine. You can’t change that.

But the thing is, you really shouldn’t want to.

That There Be No Divisions

2010-06-18T18:25:00.002-06:00

I'm sorry it's taken so long to post again. Teaching a semester's worth of stuff in one month lends itself to a certain amount of franticity. I've entered survival mode which doesn't really let me accomplish a whole lot outside of my most basic needs. Even so, I've had some thoughts stirring in my head and I think they've reached the point where they may be worth sharing.

In Paul's first epistle to the Corinthians, he says, "I beseech you bretheren . . . that there be no divisions among you . . . for it has been declared unto me . . . that there are contentions among you. Now this I say, that every one of you saith, I am of Paul, and I of Apollos; and I of Cephas; and I of Christ. Is Christ divided?" Essentially, Paul is concerned that divisiveness and sectarianism would cause the body of the christian church to fall apart, a fear that eventually proved well-founded.

"Now, that's all good and stuff, but I'm a good practitioner of my faith," you may be saying. The thing is, I think this sectarianism and the fear of it causing a huge schism has ramifications outside of christianity.

I've noticed more and more that we don't really talk about America or being American, except on conservative talk-radio. But, of course, they're the only ones who qualify as such. We spend so much more time with defining ourselves and others as liberal, or conservative, or socialist, or zealots, or libertarians, or, or, or . . . I think we're in danger of fragmenting America in the same way Paul feared the church was fragmenting.

We've created a very divisive culture of "with us or against us" propeganda (and all sides are to blame, not just the GOP). Our philosophy seems to have become that if you don't adhere to my philosophy it's because you're either ignorant or evil. Instead of looking for common ground and trying to work together, we have all become very good at finding the most divisive ideological differences and focusing in on those with a microscope. We're really just not working together anymore.

I really noticed this lack of cooperation when I caught a snippet of congress interrogating a BP representative. As I watched and listened I began to feel sorry for the BP guy more than anything else. Here is a guy who has agreed to appear before an already hostile audience to try to discuss the situation. This is a guy who has probably spent a few sleepless nights as he has thought about the disaster in the gulf. If he has any human decency, this guy is already hurting for the role his company has played in such a destructive cataclysm. But instead of trying to work with him, our elected officials saw fit to rake him across the coals as they tried to make themselves look like good concerned leaders.

Look, the disaster in the gulf is a huge disaster. Ultimately, BP does bear responsibility for it. But instead of going to them and offering to help fix it, we as a country seem to be more interested in blaming them for the disaster, pointing fingers, calling names and demonizing.

I don't want this to turn in to a discussion of BP and the gulf spill, that's not my intent. What I do want to point out is that I can't recall the last time I saw candidates from opposing parties show genuine camaraderie toward each other. When George W. Bush and Bill Clinton did and advertisement for Haitian relief, I could practically feel the discomfort between the two pouring out from the screen. As a good, card carrying member of any party, I feel that I'm not allowed to show any sort of sensitivity to the other parties or their candidates. The others are absolutely wrong and I and my party must be right. There can be no compromise.

I miss when we used to talk about being Americans. We had differences, sure. Sometimes those differences led to some heated and serious disagreements. But at the end of the day, I still felt like we as a people were indeed still "We, the people", a united nation rather than an infighting community.

Do you think that we can start looking for the common ground, start reaching out to each other in friendship rather than contest, start looking at each other as part of the same great nation that allows us the right to have so many of our own thoughts and feelings? Regardless of politics, philosophy, religion, sexual orientation, or whatever, can we start looking at each other as human beings honestly trying to do our best rather than inhuman monsters and moustache-twirling villains?

I'd like to think so.

O Remember, Remember

2010-05-30T20:28:00.002-06:00

I don't want to sound like an old fogie, but I really think we've lost the spirit of Memorial Day. I remember we used to spend more time celebrating our troops and paying homage to those who died while in the uniform of our armed forces.

I'm guessing that most of us will appreciate the day off, but won't spend much time thinking about those who fought and died for "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" around the world.

Without the soldiers of World War II, I would most likely have been born in German-occupied Holland. The allied forces that fought and died for the rights of strangers fought and died for the rights of my dad's parents.

My mom's dad served as a radio operator in Korea. He had a ham radio set in his bedroom for a while when I was growing up. My wife's grandpa was an army surgeon; her dad was a door gunner during Vietnam; my brother-in-law fuels fighter jets.

I think too often we forget that our military is full of people who made a choice and committed to a cause in a way that our society can find hard to comprehend. Ask yourself this, is there anything you believe strongly enough that you would be willing to die for? Anything you believe strongly enough that you would be willing to kill for? Our soldiers have all committed to fight, and possibly die and/or kill in the service of our country.

How many of us respect our country? How many of us respect the symbols of our country, and specifically here I'm talking about the flag of the United States. Do we respect it?

While we were at the Aaronic priesthood camp, Marcus, Luke and I got to participate in the retiring of a flag. While I know the flag is just colored cloth, what it stands for is important. It is not insignificant that anyone who served in the military is honored at their funeral with a flag on their coffin. Memorializing our dead soldiers and respecting the flag are indelibly linked.

So, please, spend some time this Monday thinking about the fact that what we have was bought for a price by people you don't know, people who sacrificed their all for the ideals of this nation. If you read this after Memorial Day, take a few moments to make today a day of memorial for those who have given their lives for the cause of freedom.

It's What I Have to Talk About

2010-05-27T15:48:00.002-06:00

Alrighty folks, I've been trying to figure out what to say this week. Honestly, it's been a slow week. About the only thing to talk about besides my motorcycle is complaining. Since I'm working on cutting down on negativity, you're getting more on the motorcycle front.

I have to admit that I'm debating what to do with this blog. I thought about writing about feminists and issues I have with equality of the genders, but I'm not sure I want to do that here either. I dunno. I'm not sure what I have to say that's worth talking about.

After much consideration, I've decided that I'm going to go with the name of Mal for my bike. I put way too much thought into it. When I saw the following list of definitions, it seemed like it really fit.

Southeast Asian: Flower; smart; funny; lucky
French: Without good fortune
German: Army counselor
Scottish: Armored chief
Scottish: Disciple of Saint Columbia
Arabic: Dove
French: Wild spirit
German: Army counselor
Irish: Religious; serves Saint John
Celtic: Chief

The kicker was the Arabic definition, though I know some may think that the French meaning is appropriate. Anyway, the name works for me.

I have other things that I should be doing, but I'm slogging through. I've begin reading some books intended to help me with my dissertation. I'm guessing my blog topics will shift accordingly. Things will probably shift to a lot of talk about gender and Old English stuff. It's kinda the lay of my mental land for a while.

So, gear up for the next chapter in the things I see from my attic window (it's a play on the blog's title, people. Stay with me).

Today

2010-05-20T20:39:00.004-06:00

For some reason, my family wanted to make today special for me. I thought it might be fun and interesting to just give a rundown of the way the day unfolded. Overall, and I really want to stress this, it was a good day, low key, but very good.

7:00 AM--Rolled, bleary-eyed out of bed and said my prayers leaning against the living room couch. Can't tell you why I ended up there, but it's where I was. Before I was finished, I was joined by the kids who made it a bit hard to finish with any real sense of meditative contemplation, but at least I ended with joy.

8:00 AM--Taking the kids to school after a great breakfast. I cooked the pepper crusted bacon (shoulda gone with the maple flavored, but it was still pretty good) while Heidi poached eggs. I LOVE her eggs. Also opened two of my presents. I got a Hoops and YoYo keychain that was supposed to be for my motorcycle, but was too big. I also got four Reeses Peanut Butter Cups (seriously, check out the link, especially if you like Iron Man).

9:00 AM--Decided to go to the DMV to take the written part of my test for my motorcycle endorsement. I passed, though just barely. The opening screen said I could skip questions and go back to them. Yeah, you could skip them, but the going back part didn't work for me. If I had known, I would have had a better score, but I passed so we're okay.

10:00 AM--Still at the DMV. I thought it'd be quick, take the test and go. No, I have to get a new picture and a new license and pay more money. Bummer.

11:00 AM--Guess where I still am.

12:00 AM--Got home in time to pick up Anneke from Kindergarten. Ate lunch (grilled sandwiches made by Heidi (man that girl can cook)).

1:00 PM--Lay down for a nap 'cause I work this weekend.

4:00 PM--Kids are home. Got a big surprise in the mail. My mom sent a card that included a belt buckle from my grandpa. It's a green '60s style soft top car. Picture may come later. The kids cleaned the house while I take the bike out to buy a new headlight bulb and a lemon/blueberry cheesecake for my birthday. Conclusively prove that it is possible to transport cheesecake on a motorcycle.

5:00 PM--Headed out to Macaroni Grill. We got a gift card to the place and thought it would be a good time to use it. We had a good time and a good meal. Everything was pretty good (I even splurged and got lobster ravioli), but we did realize that Olive Garden is more our taste. I did get sung to and got a ginormous piece of chocolate cake. I got a handful of bits and Heidi got two or three. The kids devoured the rest.

7:00 PM--Got home from dinner and picking up a keychain that fit on my bike. It's a bronze circular locket with a piece of paper glued to the outside that looks like a page from a book. The only clear phrase says, "live and let live". Ate the cheesecake and opened my last present. Percy Jackson #1! Yay.

8:00 PM--Kids are in bed (but not asleep). Sitting down to watch Bones with my Hottie-honey. She says there's one more present for me, but I can't have it until later. I guess I'll have to just wait and see what it is.

I also got a lot of well-wishes via the interwebs. It's amazing how the little shout-outs can give you a boost. It was a very low-key but pretty good day.

I'm over thirty now. I found another white hair in my goatee. Not grey, white. I must be getting old.

The Name Game

2010-05-13T15:57:00.003-06:00

Heidi and I have been discussing names for Quatro. I think we've settled on Gideon Robert for a boy or Guinevere or Gwendolyn for a girl (if we go with Guinevere I'm going to have to learn how to spell it right. it took me three tries).

I've also been trying to find a good name for my motorcycle. This wouldn't be a big deal except that the previous owner said its name was Marissa and that name doesn't work for me on any level. I've received a lot of excellent suggestions, including Shaniqua Shanaynay, but I'm still having a hard time.

So, because sometimes others can help with brainstorms, I post the following list of names I'm considering with any pertinent information behind the consideration. Hopefully something will settle in to place. There's no way this bike is a Marissa. No gorram way.

Artemis (Arty for short). I admit I'm a bit more prone to go with Diana, especially because of its ties to Wonder Woman, who is pretty cool.

Drace. I don't know the book this comes from, but my second best friend (Heidi being the first) suggested it from Dark Moon by David Gemmell and I trust his taste enough that it's stayed on the list.

Hervor. She's an awesome Viking warrior woman. I love her story, but I'm not sure the name fits.

Mal. This one would be short for Malcolm Reynolds from Firefly. If not Mal, I'm thinking about maybe Kaylee or Shepherd Book.

Hrothgar. It's listed as one of the Anglo-Saxon words for horse. It's also the name of a warrior mentioned in Beowulf, the Finnsburg fragment as well as other germanic tales.

I'm looking for something a little old fashioned, WWII era or older. I'll take any suggestions you may have and let you know what I come up with.

For those of you who don't care about the motorcycle, or think its a deathtrap, I'll be back to more normal once the honeymoon phase has worn off, but just to warn you I think I'm still at least a little in the honeymoon phase with Heidi so it may take a while.

I Don't Want a Pickle . . .

2010-05-04T15:37:00.003-06:00

So, Heidi has been craving pickles a lot with this pregnancy. I'm waiting for her to say pickles and ice cream, 'cause that's the ultimate cliche, but I don't think she's going to go that far.

She's been making me think about pickles, though. After much consideration, I think I have to say that I don't want a pickle, just wanna ride my motorsickle. And I don't want a tickle, just wanna ride my motorsickle. And I don't wanna die, I just wanna drive my motorcy . . . cle (if that makes absolutely no sense to you, follow this link. It'll help--a little).

"But, Andy," I hear you saying, "You don't have a motorsickle, whatever that is. And you don't have a motorcy . . . cle, whatever that is too. You don't even have a motorcycle."

Ah, my dear reader, you are sadly mistaken. I do have a motorcycle. And oh do I want to ride it. Unfortunately, there are still some legal issues to work out (registration, licensing, etc).

This was the only picture I could get to successfully load onto blogger. There are more in my facebook photo album if you want to head there, or get your friend/family with a facebook account to let you take a look-see.

Can you tell I'm not the only one who wants to ride my motorsickle?

For those who want to know, it's a 1998 Honda Shadow ACE. For those who want to know more, you'll have to ask.

Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut (Part the First)

2010-04-30T14:37:00.005-06:00

. . . and it's not always the Almond Joy kind of nut. Sometimes it's more like this kind of nut:

Yep, that's me. Yep, that's kinda how I feel sometimes. Yep, this is going to be one of those whiney blogs that is more or less a waste of your time because I'm not only going to vent, but I'm going to vent vaguely so I don't end up stomping my size 14s onto anyone's toes too harshly.

Essentially, what I'm saying here people is that you might want to go somewhere else for reading, 'cause while this semester hasn't been all bad it has been crazy and I'm getting ready to excise it from my system.

Family:

Heidi and I discussed having another little one, but wanted to wait a bit until things were a little more settled. That was not to be the case. If you read this blog, and if you don't I don't know how you're going to see these words (think about it), you should already know that we're having #4 some time in November. While this isn't necessarily a bad thing, a new family member is always going to complicate things.

Housing:

Five people in a 900 square foot apartment is not fun, even when they love each other. Five people plus a newborn baby is just asking for it. Our landlord said that if the upstairs became open that we could move in there. The catch was that upstairs was occupied by his really old mother.

I had some serious ethical angst over kinda wanting someone to die for my own benefit. I never really prayed for her to die or sent death thoughts through our ceiling, but when she did move on I still felt guilty for it. I'm still not sure about the moral rightness of my thoughts.

Anyway, our landlord said we could move in during April and officially take residence in May. May is tomorrow. We haven't even started to move. We finally found out yesterday that there are family inheriting stuff issues that are going to delay our move by at least two weeks. I wouldn't be surprised if it turns into more than that.

Schooling:

I'm winding up my coursework. This semester I have had some real personality conflicts with one of the teachers that is not only teaching a class I'm taking this semester but is also on my committee. I really don't think I want to keep him on my committee but I don't know what to do about it because I don't have much choice in replacements.

I also just discovered that for now the courses I'm signed up for won't cover my requirements for graduation so I have to go in and talk to people and see what I need to do to get everything figured out. (Yeah, Heidi's just finding that out as she reads this. Surprise!)

I'm floundering a bit with the whole trajectory of where I'm going now. I don't know yet what I need to read to learn what I need to know to write the paper I need to write to be able to graduate and get a real job. I hear it gets better, but I have to pass through the gauntlet of my comprehensive exams first, an ordeal that frightens me greatly.

I was going to go on, but this thing got really long as it is. Stay tuned (or rather don't) for part two later.

Field Trip

2010-04-23T10:34:00.007-06:00

Alright, so here we go.

A week ago Thursday I went with Marcus and his class on a field trip out to Red Rock. I rediscovered that school busses aren't built for anyone over 5' 6".

I ended up taking the caboose position in the line and Marcus and I had a pretty good time at the tail end of things.

Here we are getting situated. It takes a bit of time to get elementary schoolers into an acceptable line, especially when the teachers insist on single file.

Whatcha got there, Marcus? Oh, yeah, the kid likes pinenuts.

This is the farthest we went. It was a little waterfall. Along the way, the two kids at the back of the line and I saw a woodpecker (we were the only ones), a stinkbug, caterpillars in giant mass cocoons, and the boys claimed to have seen a cottontail (but I missed it, so I claim it was a Bigfoot in minature).

Did you know pine trees smell like butterscotch? Marcus now "nose" it. We also saw Brigham tea and a plant with red berries that had leathery leaves. But I can't remember what it was called. We also saw a rock with concretions, the word of the day. Those are little divots in the rock made by rain. The mimetic device used for that is a chocolate chip cookie, 'cause that's what the divots make the rock look like.

Marcus thought this field was cool. It was full of dead Joshua trees. he said it was a Joshua tree graveyard. It would have been more impressive if I had managed a panoramic shot. Oh well.

On the way home, I kinda felt like I belonged in that graveyard. A bus full of second graders gets awfully loud when they're on the way home from a field trip. I was exhausted by the time we got home, but I had a great time with my buddy.

And that's all I have to say about that.

New Rules for Writing

2010-04-22T12:45:00.004-06:00

I want to post about the field trip I took with Marcus a week ago, but I'm having problems with uploading the pictures. So, for now I give you some of the rules for writing I've learned this year as I've tried to get a paper up to the standards expected by a professor.

1. NO contractions (or, when I'm in a particularly cantankerous mood, don't use contractions).

2. NO "to be" verbs (that's right, no: is, are, was, were, am, will be, etc.)

3. NO brackets (those are the thingies that look like this: []. They're used when you alter a quotation in some way)

4. NO starting a sentence with a phrase like however, in this case, likewise, in fact, on the other hand, or anything like unto them.

5. NO using it.

6. NO split infinitives.

7. ALWAYS think of the readerly eye (and that means that it can't have anything that this reader considers to be reader unfriendly).

8. ALWAYS grade your students papers as harshly as possible on their drafts because otherwise they will, of course, not take the paper seriously.

Ah, I feel better.

To be fair (a violation of rule #4, but I don't care), most of these rules can serve as good guidelines. The kicker is (oops, rule #2) that I don't (rule #1) think that they deserve the strict adherence that I've (#1 again) been (#2) forced to apply to this paper.

I know whining like this isn't (double whammy of #1 and #2) the most productive, but it is (#2) cathartic.

The thing is that I know there are other ways of looking at papers. I've written some bad ones, it's true. But I've written some papers that have caused eyebrows to raise in a good way too. I do think I'm a pretty good writer and I don't adhere to these rules with any sense of slavishness (see if you can spot how many violations of the rules I made in that paragraph, why doncha?).

Ultimately, I guess I'm saying that without any flexibility, your rules become too proscriptive and that really doesn't work for me.

Now, why don't you take all these rules and stick 'em in your readerly eye?

Parenthood

2010-04-15T20:20:00.003-06:00

Heidi and I try to keep our TV watching to a minimum. When a new show comes on we think carefully about whether or not we want to add it to our viewing and most of the time we opt not to. However, we gave a new show called Parenthood a try and I'm hooked. While it may not be the most realistic show on TV (I don't think that's really possible), it feels very real to me. Each member of the family seems like the kind of person that I could actually meet out in the real world.

For me, the most identifiable character is Adam, a working dad with a stay-at-home wife, a teenage daughter and a son with Asperger's. He's the guy everyone comes to to work out their problems. His single parent sister expects him to be a father figure to her teenage son and he feels the pinch of everyone's demands. I'm not saying that my family dumps on me, but I do feel the pinch of having a lot of time demands eating in to my day.

Some of the episodes are painfully hard, some are ridiculously fun, but I can't look away as these people cope with the trials and joys and hardships and tears that come with being a parent or having a parent.

You can catch the last five episodes on Hulu. I think that you can fairly quickly figure out what's going on in the series. I also think it's worth the effort and time. Ron Howard and company have put together another very fine product. It's not Arrested Development, but I think it'll be a classic in its own right.

A Few Good Men

2010-04-11T18:37:00.003-06:00

These videos were brought to my attention again just today.

There are good men in the world still. There are men who aren't just boys grown up. These are the real manly men. I hope I can be counted as a member of their company.

Apology

2010-04-09T20:04:00.002-06:00

I've been wanting to do this for a while. I hope it turns out alright and y'all take it in the spirit in which it's intended. I have a couple ideas for what to write, but this seemed the most immanent in my head.

For a while now I've been wanting to apologize for some of the things I've done in my past. The catch is that I'm fairly certain that if I were to do so it would actually do more harm than good to the people that are involved, sorta the reopening old wounds thing. I honestly don't think that doing that would be in the best interest to those people, so I'm stuck with feeling the need to express my regret for my actions without being able to do so.

So, instead, I'm doing this.

Over my 30+ years of life, I know I've hurt people. I can honestly say that most of that hurt was unintentional. Even the hurt that was intentional at the time I regret now. I cannot think of a time that I've caused someone pain that I don't wish I hadn't done now.

If I have hurt you, I ask you to forgive me. If you feel the need to have me apologize more specifically, please let me know and I will do so. I want to do so. Just make sure to give me enough details that I can remember the incident, or be willing to accept a very vague apology.

I admit part of the reason I'm doing this is selfish. I have a bad habit of flogging myself with my past errors. By doing this, I can give myself some consolation in the fact that I have at least made an effort at reconciliation. So, when I start flogging myself I can look at this and say, "I've tried to do what I can to repent. Now I need to leave it alone." At least that's the theory.

For what it's worth, I mean this in total sincerity and am not trying to take the easy way out. With all the humility I have, I ask you to forgive me for the hurt I've caused you.

Thank you. That is all.

Dead Rabbits

2010-04-02T09:26:00.002-06:00

As some of you know, a rabbit died in our family very recently. This is the fourth time it's happened and we very much expect it to be the last.

Heidi and I have had dead rabbits during all four degrees: Associates at Snow (Marcus), Bachelors at SUU (Anneke), Masters at CU Boulder (Lukers), and now this one for a PhD at UNLV.

This is an unplanned complication, but we're excited. Heidi and I were discussing having a fourth and had very nearly gotten to the point where we had decided to go ahead and do it when the decision was made for us.

Because it's muppets and because its close to Easter and because it includes rabbits, I'm embedding the latest music video from the muppets. Not their best, but still worth a minute and a half of your time.

Early Spring Break

2010-03-24T11:27:00.003-06:00

So, my class today had six people when it was time to start. Before I gave up and sent them all away, I had two more straggle in.

The thing is, I know spring break is next week.

If I was teaching a Friday class, I would expect a lot of extra absences.

If I was teaching a Thursday class, it wouldn't surprise me to see more empty chairs than normal.

But for a Wednesday, once a week class . . .

Edit: So, Heidi asked me what the cat is doing. I just think it's ridiculous how cliche the look of surprise is on its face. Heidi thought it was yawning. I guess It wasn't as funny as I thought it was.

(okay, to be honest I just thought this cat video was ridiculously weird and funny and manipulated my experience today so I could use it. But still, only 8 students in a once a week class is pretty mind boggling)

2010-03-18T22:51:00.002-06:00

Generally speaking, if the kids need medical attention I'm the one to give it to them. I think Heidi may let me do this to help my ego since she has more training. Or maybe it's just because that's the way it was in our houses growing up and we've never bothered to change it.

In any case, our daughter has received a lot of my attention, first aid wise, but recently she may have out done herself.

Somehow, she got a small scrape on the middle finger of her left hand. These things happen. It didn't seem like a big deal until it got infected and started to get inflamed. Eventually it filled with some nasty stuff.

We thought we ought to drain it. I got out a needle, Heidi held the girl and I cleaned out her finger. She screamed like crazy.

Can't say that I blame her.

The next day, we discovered that the pinhole had sealed up and the finger had filled again. I decided to make a larger opening and drained her finger again.

The next day, from across the room, I asked her to show me her finger so I could see if it hurt. Without getting any closer, she showed me the finger.

Can't say that I blame her.

(For what it's worth, the finger is looking better)

On the Second Week in March

2010-03-11T17:10:00.002-07:00

My life gave to me:

One Sunday School lesson.

Two assignments to grade.

Two graveyard shifts.

Two conference presentations.

A really bad mid-term grade.

And a giant piece of really big news.

I have decided that my new years resolution has died.

Please, pray for me, send warm thoughts, whatever your theology grants for helping others out. I can use everything you have to offer. (during my nap today I dreamt that I showed up to my job at the temple late and in the wrong clothes. Fortunately, in the magic of dreams, the proper clothes just materialized on my body (wish that would happen in real life))

An Ode to Apple Beer

2010-03-07T17:42:00.003-07:00

A recent craze has been running through my head. It started when I was getting ready for my trip to Albuquerque (can I just say that city's name is a pain to type). My travel buddy asked if there was anything specific I wanted. I told her that if she could find it, I'd love some apple beer. Unfortunately she couldn't find the stuff.

And the craving grew.

After much searching, we discovered there is no place in Las Vegas that sells apple beer. We went to multiple stores, made several google searches, and generally put forth more effort than it was probably worth.

And the craving grew.

Finally, I asked my mom to bring some down when she next came to Vegas. She delivered in a big way. I now have over 30 cans of the stuff sitting in my bedroom (so as to hide them from the kiddies). Thanks, Mom.

And the craving is now satisfied . . . until I run out.

Apple beer is brewed--and fairly available--in Utah. It tastes like a slightly bitter/tart mild apple juice or cider. It tastes best cold. If you ever travel through Utah, I'd urge you to give this stuff a try. It's non-alcoholic (that may be a no-brainer to some, but Utah does produce some microbrews of its own, so I just want to be clear) and is probably sold somewhere in whatever city you're in. There is even a pizza place in Ephraim that had it on tap.

I'm afraid this isn't as good as I wanted it to be, but I very much wanted a shorter and less-serious post for this blog next. this is what I came up with.

For those who want to continue the gay marriage conversation, I've resurrected the blog I started way back when and forgot about. I figure that it was a good place to take the more serious topics so that those who want it happy and joyful won't wander away when I get all pontificaty. I'll post my response to one question fairly shortly. If it fails to cover the other question asked (Scooter-McGrooter) let me know and I'll delve into those depths. Truth is, I really enjoy thinking through these questions--honestly asked. It helps me figure out my own theology/philosphy/morality more clearly and hopefully leads to greater understanding and love and good thoughts and happiness for the world in general.

Okay, I'm done for now. go raise a glass of the good stuff and enjoy the day.

On Mormons and Gay Marriage

2010-03-03T10:03:00.004-07:00

This issue first cropped up for me three years ago. I was living in Boulder, Colorado and in one of the statewide elections the question of defining marriage was on the ballot. With much less brouhaha than in California, the motion carried to amend the state constitution to define marriage as a legal union between a man and a woman. Since that time, I’ve been trying to reconcile my thoughts onto the issue into some sort of coherent whole.

The first part of the conundrum for me lies in the LDS view on homosexuality. Quite simply, it’s a sin. If you are actively gay, you cannot qualify as worthy to hold a temple recommend. I don’t think you are de facto excommunicated, or dropped from the church records, but it’s pretty safe to say that the church authorities and God view your actions as being very much contrary to the plan of Heaven. This is not to say you’re evil, just that you’re making less-good life choices.

The second part of my dilemma lies in the fact that we believe that this government was divinely inspired. Certainly not all the leaders have been, but the ideals and the expression thereof are of God. Included in those ideals is the concept that all men are endowed with certain unalienable rights, including life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That means that everyone should be allowed to pursue happiness in whatever manner they see fit as long as it doesn’t impede on the pursuit of happiness of others, more or less.

So, even if homosexuality is a sin (part one), gays should still be allowed to get married if it’s something they want to do to try for happiness, right (part two)? Keep in mind, I’ve been mulling this over for three years and hadn’t resolved anything.

Recently, I was looking in to this issue again, trying to find some peace of mind for myself and I realized that I’d been looking at things a little askance.

Y’see, in God’s plan, marriage isn’t about pursuing happiness. It’s about creating family units. The original goal of marriage wasn’t to express deep and undying love for another person; it was about creating an ideal environment in which a family, including children, could flourish and develop. Granted, this is much easier if husband and wife are happy together, but that’s not the primary aim. Having a family is.

This is also most likely the biggest reason why homosexuality is such a big deal. Because whether they’re married or not, gay lovers will never produce offspring. The equipment just won’t work for them that way.

This is also also most likely the biggest reason why extramarital sex is such a big deal. Any sexual act, in God’s plan, has the primary aim of creating a family. Pleasure and bonding are secondary to that primary goal. Doing that kind of thing outside of marriage is not part of family building and works against the way the plan is supposed to work.

So, from an LDS theological perspective, gay marriage is a bit of an oxymoron. Since marriage is about creating the ideal family unit and that’s literally impossible from the get-go in that situation, it doesn’t fit into our definition of marriage. So, what is being posited by the church is less a new definition of marriage and more a recognition of the definition of marriage that’s been the de facto definition for eons, and we’ve just forgotten it along the way.

I realize that one may argue then that infertile heterosexual couples fail to meet this definition of marriage, and that may be technically true. However, they have the potential whether in this life or the eternities to be able to procreate. That’s a potential that gay couples don’t have.

In a nutshell, God has always seen marriage and sex as family-building and any deviation from that primary goal is a deviation from the way God wants things done. Admittedly, this doesn’t cover all the questions tied to this issue. If you want to throw out your specifics, I’ll do my best to come up with answers (but it might take three years). I still have some questions I’m working on myself, but this way of looking at things makes sense to me. It’s helped me reconcile things in my own fractured little head and thought it may help those who wonder how this all fits together.

But then again, maybe not.

Collection

2010-02-24T15:56:00.007-07:00

[This blog post is sponsored by Heidi, 'cause she cares enough to help me move past hate for blogger into love for her abilities to upload pictures]

I've always wanted to collect something, but never knew just what to collect. At one point, Heidi mentioned she liked the untucked shirt tucked behind the belt buckle look. I told her if she got me a buckle, I'd dress that way. Somewhere along the way, I decided I liked belt buckles and have started in to my collection.

This is what I have thus far (from oldest to newest):

From L to R, top to bottom:

This steer head buckle is the first one I got. I borrowed it from my maternal grandpa and didn't give it back before he died. I guess I'm calling it my share of the inheritance. I used it as part of my regalia when I was doing Order of the Arrow stuff.

The square celtic knot is Heidi's favorite and the first one I actually started wearing in public. It's one of the more comfortable belt buckles because there are no sharp edges pointed toward the delicate areas around the buckle.

The cross belt buckle was bought about the same time as the knot. I've always liked certain images of crosses. I have a thing against crucifixes, but certain crosses are aesthetically appealing to me. This one just feels like a classic belt buckle that I can wear regardless of what I'm doing or where I'm going.

I got the Nordic/Anglo-Saxon/Viking belt buckle at the Las Vegas Ren Fair. It's very good for days when I'm teaching Beowulf, or feel the need to up my sense of manliness.

That one in the middle is a Batman belt buckle. I got it for Christmas. It's Batman; need I say more?

This is one that combines the celtic knot with a cross. I think it's quite pretty while still maintaining a healthy dose of manliness. It's also weathering along the top where it rubs against my gut, making it look old and rugged.

I got the Ghostbuster belt buckle from a student in one of my classes after I wore the Batman belt buckle to class. It glows in the dark, which is cool. The ghost's pointy head pokes me in my gut, which is not cool.

You may have to actually click on the picture to expand it and see all the awesomeness of this two-headed wolf buckle (with celtic scrollwork). Currently, it's probably my favorite. I got it for Christmas this year from my sister-in-law.

The Thundercats were 80s cartoons at their greatest. My little princess gave me this buckle for Christmas. No pointy edges and plenty of nostalgic awesomeness, it's drawn more comments than any of the others so far.

When Marcus joined Cub Scouts, he found out that for a collection to count it had to have ten items. If you look carefully, you may note there are only nine. So, Heidi came to my rescue and added a little Marvel to my collection, thereby making it official and more geek-tastic. The Iron Man belt buckle seemed a little much to me at first, but on the belt it looks fine and none of his fingers actually poke my belly so it's also more comfy. I'm totally wearing this to see Iron Man 2.

Below are a couple of buckles I'd love to own some day.

This first one is similar to the one worn by Hugh Jackman as Wolverine in the X-Men series. The one he wears has an antiqued paint job, but the exact same design.

There are a very few characters who are known for their belt buckles. One of the most popular right now is Special Agent Seely Booth from Bones. I admit I probably wouldn't feel comfortable wearing this buckle very often, but I'd totally love to have one.

So, there you have it. If you know of any buckles you think are cool that don't include scantily-clad women, swearing or drug symbols, send 'em my way. I'd love to build up my collection. It also helps that the buckle is one of the few accessories a man can wear without having to deal with questions pointed at his masculinity (yeah, it does matter to me. I wanna be a macho man . . . oh, wait . . . that can't be right!).

It has been brought to my attention that there is another man out there who very easily denigrates the masculinity of the expressive belt buckle. Curse you Howard Wolowitz.

Not Today, Folks

2010-02-24T15:29:00.004-07:00

I've been trying to put up a post about my collection. For whatever reason, blogger won't let me upload pictures. I am bummed. I am also frazzled enough with other things that I am giving up for the time being. I was excited and now I'm not. If I can come up with something worth writing about that doesn't require pictures, I will do that later.

Awesome post, huh?

Grateful

2010-02-14T21:06:00.002-07:00

I had a lot of things I wanted to say until it got to the point that I just decided to approach it by mentioning several things I'm thankful for. It's been an eventful week.

I thought I'd throw out a thanks to my sister-in-law. She's been redesigning blog sites for friends and family and Heidi approached her to put something together for me. She and I have had a very interesting history, including the fact that we graduated in the same class but didn't really know each other. I like the direction our relationship has gone. I think she did a bang-up job of putting something together that suits me far better than anything else I've ever been able to find. Thanks.

I also owe a big thanks to my UNLV friends and colleagues, specifically to my road buddy and roommate. Jess and I spent a total of 18 hours in the car together fromVegas to Albuquerque and back. It's a testament to our compatibility that we not only survived it, but actually had a pretty darn good time. We were joined by one of UNLV's best faculty members on the way home and she, too, was awesome.

I crashed with a guy from UNLV with whom I've had classes and chatted, but we never really spent much time together. This may be in part due to the fact that he's actively gay and I'm actively Mormon. Not only did he let me crash his room, but he gave up his bed to sleep on the couch on the first night because I had to present the next day and changed rooms so we both would have a bed for the second night. I have to say that we both were aware of the potential friction and the fact that we had such a good experience I would argue is a testament to the fact that peace is possible.

Finally, I owe a huge debt of gratitude to my hottie honey. Not only did she marry me, which is huge in and of itself, but she has played single mom for the last year and a half as I go to school and try to keep her in her extravagant lifestyle. And to add to her awesomeness, she totally supported me running away for three days to go talk about Batman in New Mexico. Everyone I have talked to tells me how beautiful she is and she doesn't see it. Everyone who knows her thinks she's absolutely amazing and she doesn't see it.

Of all the things I'm grateful for, the best all stems from Heidi. For that I'll be grateful forever.

Can You See It?

2010-02-05T20:03:00.009-07:00

Heidi posted a celebrity look-alike blog. I thought it was kinda fun and interesting. I also just had a student give me a new celeb that he said I resembled. Putting those two together told me that it was fate that I post a list of the celebrities that I look like. Be prepared to be awed and astounded. The similarities are so uncanny as to boggle your little mind.

Brace yourself.

Granted, this first one may have more to do with my stature that actual physical resemblance. Be that as it may, I actually got called "Jolly Green" for a while in high school.

Yeah, this next one may have helped me develop my love for the Caped Crusader (going to a conference to read a paper I wrote on the dude). I even went as the Joker for Halloween one year. If I knew where there were pictures, I'd share 'em, but you'll just have to accept that I actually looked a fair amount like this:

I know, I know, this one's a dead ringer. Truth is, I never could figure it out, but more than one person swore that I looked like the Governator.

This is probably the first one Heidi agreed with. I might see it, especially when we were younger. It helps that Ben Affleck also played in the first movie Heidi and I saw together.

For my younger viewers, there was once a thing called the boy band phenomenon. It was a less than ideal time to be a guy and want to listen to pop music (then again, we did have pre-crazy Britney). Of these bands, one of the best was one called N*Sync. You may know one of their members, a dude called Justin Timberlake (who dated the aforementioned pre-crazy pop star). Another member of the group was a guy named JC Chasez. Some people saw a resemblance.

This was a new one for me. The man is Adam Clayton. He played the bass for U2 once upon a time. I can actually see a bit of a similarity.

So, after all these, I asked Heidi if I missed any. With barely a pause, she said, "Sheldon". This guy is a strange duck from the Big Bang Theory (a show chock full of geeky excellence). It may be in part due to the fact that I have and frequently wear the exact same shirt you see on the guy in the picture below. I guess I have to own up to the fact that there's more than a passing resemblance.

So, whaddaya think? Did I miss any?

New Years Resolution Update

2010-02-02T10:03:00.000-07:00

I only had one goal for this year, one. My aim was to simplify my life, to de-clutter and to enjoy a life less stressed. I thought perhaps it would be worthwhile to update you on the status of my goal. One month in and I have done the following:

Started teaching a new class

Arranged an independent study

Had the in-laws visit

Went on an anniversary date with my hot wife

Baptized my son

Went to the dentist for the first time in 8 years (and no cavities!)

Went to my brother's farewell before he left for a mission in Nebraska

Gave the keynote address at the New Beginnings meeting for young women

Did our taxes

Arranged travel plans for a conference coming next week

Rewrote the paper for said conference

And so, I'm not so sure that I've been doing all that well with my one resolution. It's been a long and eventful month, but also quite amazing. There isn't much on the list that I'd want to do without. I loved a lot of what I did this month, but it certainly wasn't a simple month.

I'm hoping that the rest of the year will be a lot less complicated. I really do yearn for simplicity.

Ah well. What are you going to do?

MMM Returns: The Sabre Rattlers

2010-02-01T11:52:00.003-07:00

I've mentioned the Art of Manliness website before. I discovered the site has an LDS discussion forum as well as all its other awesome goodness. In that forum, they posted a link to a buy-in site for a group called the Sabre Rattlers. I admit, I'm pretty tempted to make a contribution.

I'm still trying to decide what I think of their music, but thought I'd share a couple of their songs posted on the youtube.

So, what do you think? Can you think of any other groups with a similar approach?

I Have Seen the Future and it is Bright

2010-01-28T18:08:00.002-07:00

There's a lot of doom and gloom in the world today. I've read and heard about a lot of problems with the youth and the economy and the world in general. But this week has shown me that there's a lot to hope for. I'm optimistic for our future now. It is very bright.

On Sunday, I was able to make it to my brother, Zack's final sacrament meeting talk for the next two years. On Wednesday, he entered the MTC in preparation to serve a mission in Omaha, Nebraska and the areas surrounding it. My mom forwarded this message a little while ago:

Dear family of Zackary John Bahlmann,

We are pleased to inform you that your missionary has been safely checked in at the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah. We thank you for supporting your missionary and know that your family will be blessed as a result.

Your missionary's mailing address while at the MTC is:
Zackary John Bahlmann
MTC Mailbox # 204
NE-OMA 0216
2005 N 900 E
Provo, UT 84604-1793

Please note the following items:

1. Your missionary's service began today. Please do not arrange or request visits with your missionary, including meetings at the temple or in proximity to the MTC.

2. All missionary mail must come through the US Mail or commercial delivery services. Hand delivered items will NOT be accepted. Do not send pizzas, fast foods, ice-cream, or any items that will spoil if they are not refrigerated within 24 hours. Missionaries are not called out of class to receive packages, nor do they have access to a refrigerator.

3. Communicate with your missionary weekly through letters sent to the above address or through the email account that the missionary will set up within the first two weeks. This account is to be used by immediate family only. Telephone calls for missionaries cannot be accepted. Your missionary will correspond with you on his/her first preparation day.

4. Families and friends should not plan to visit missionaries departing to their field of labor at the airport or MTC.

Should you need to communicate with the MTC call 801-HES-GONE. Do not reply to this email.

Sincerely,

Provo MTC Presidency

On Tuesday, I gave a talk for the young women in the ward we used to go to. As I spent time with them, I was overwhelmed with the positive energy emanating from them. Their spirit was so strong. They're so beautiful inside and out it almost made me cry.

With youth like my brother and these young women, there are going to be a lot of great people taking care of things when I get old. I just hope that they're the ones who manage to be in charge.

I love these kids and they fill this old pessimist with effusive optimism.

Dang, I'm not sure that I made this as clear as I want it to be. These kids are awesome. Words may fail me here, but I wanted to share.

8 is Great (the Dad Version)

2010-01-21T08:39:00.011-07:00

So, Heidi managed to post three blogs on Marcus and the goings on surrounding him and his birthday and his baptism (granted one is about a shared party Marco had with his aunt, but still impressive). In typical me-ish fashion, I'm just getting around to talking about the whole week in one lump. I blame it on the insanity of school and such (which won't be factoring in to this post). For more complete coverage, please visit her blog.

To begin with, something slightly unrelated to Marcus' special day. Below, I give you the children of geekiness. Anneke's shirt says, "It's a girl's world. Boys just live here" and features Batgirl, Supergirl and Wonder Woman. Luke's is the classic t shirt that looks like Batman's chest. Marcus is rocking an old school Iron Man image. The best thing is that they all positively love their geek-wear.

Speaking of love, how can you not love that face? He got a double-sized piece of cake so he could get the figures we put on the cake for his baptism. He thought it was the greatest thing.
This is my favorite picture of the two of us taken just before he was baptized. It is really what we look like.
This is what we look like in LEGO form. That's the topper he came up with all by himself to put on his cake.
Marcus put together his entire program for his baptism. He decided who was going to talk and give prayers and everything. Then he made the calls to ask people to do their part. It was amazing to watch this kid take charge and get it done. He's definitely not a little boy anymore and that is both a wonderful and sad thing for me. I can still remember when he fit on my chest. I'd lay on the couch and read while he napped there. He doesn't really fit anymore.

When he was smaller, the question of who was my favorite came up. I still remember the sad look on Marcus' face when I told him his mom was my favorite. This week, I realized that it's true that Heidi is my favorite, but somehow, through some magical means, Marcus is just as much my favorite as Heidi is. I'm not going to try to decode it in any way because it doesn't warrant decoding. Marcus is my favorite and Heidi is my favorite. If I thought about it, I'd probably say that Anneke and Luke are also my favorite, but this is about my boyo, Marco. As for what I said earlier that crushed his heart a little, I can only say I'm sorry. I was a younger and less wise man. Now I know that there is room in my heart for more than one favorite. And Marcus, my boy, you definitely get that room. As much as you need. You'll fit, I promise.

This jumpsuit was way too big, but I like it because he actually looks like a little kid in it. That doesn't happen with him very often.
Again, how can you not love this happiness? The dude was making balloon sculptures for kids at Joe's Crab Shack, where we went for a joint celebration of Marcus' and Aunt Pam's birthdays. Marcus loves stupid and silly jokes. This guy told 'em. So do I. I'm tellin' ya, if I had a room full of Marcuses, I'd make a killing as a stand-up comedian.
Without even asking for Marcus' input, the balloon guy built a Darth Vader mask and lightsaber for the kid. How awesome is that?!?
Anneke got a flower made out of balloons. We were there for two hours and had a great time.
This is my family. They keep me going when I'm at school and work. They also keep me coming home as soon as possible when I'm done at school and work. They're mine. You can't have 'em. But I'm willing to share a little bit from time to time.

The 80s Was a Good Decade

2010-01-13T21:04:00.002-07:00

This'll be quick. I have a lot of stuff to get ready for and not enough time to do all of it in. However, I just discovered this trailer and thought it worth sharing.

I'm not sure it'll be as good as the original, but it's got Liam Neeson and the trailer has the verbatim voiceover from the TV show's credits so it can't be all bad, right? And how awesome is the idea of shooting down a plane from a parachuting tank? I say that's awesome (no matter how ridiculous you might say it is).

Mercy Me

2010-01-06T20:12:00.003-07:00

An academic comrade in arms recently posted in an effort to get herself back into the academic mindset. Since I'm struggling to do the same and I need to be ready and able by Monday, I'm going to try to do a little of the same. Thus, I'm going to try to cram several ideas into this post, making it lengthier than most, and try to make them coherent. Read on at your peril.

Earlier today I finished the fourth book in the Mercy Thompson series by Patricia Briggs. The series chronicles the life of the titular character who works in her own auto shop and happens to be able to turn herself into a coyote. She associates with fairy-kind, werewolves and a vampire who is obsessed with Scooby Doo (he even drives around a van painted to look like the Mystery Mobile). I started into these books based on the suggestion of Heidi's mom and sister. At this point, they'd have to be my favorite thing to read.

Before I go too much further, a word about the covers for these books: is the artist insane? Each one looks like it belongs on some sort of geek-boy's trashy romance/fantasy. Though Mercy has a few tattoos, the books give her sleeves and back tatts where none exist in the book. She also wears little enough clothing that a real mechanic would get grease and grime and scratches in places no mechanic would want to be scrubbing with Fast Orange. If you read the books, and I really think you should, you'll find that the Mercy in the books seems to bear little more than surface resemblance to the Mercy on the cover. I guess it's another example of "sex sells" but I'm a little embarrassed of the covers.

The books belong in a fairly new category of literature called urban fantasy or contemporary fantasy. Essentially, these stories take place with all the traditional fantasy trappings--magic, fairies, vampires, werewolves, ghosts, even swords--but are set in more or less modern times. My second favorite example of this is the Harry Dresden series by Jim Butcher. One thing that intrigues me about his sub-genre is that it seems to be dominated by women authors and tends to have a large contingency of the chicks who kick butt type.

I've discovered I have a hard time with that particular type of character. I find it harder to suspend my disbelief in that kind of world. Ironic, since a good friend is writing her dissertation on what she calls believable femininity which basically says that the masculo-centric reader can only believe in women in context to their relationship with men. But let me explain. I once read that some feminists were unhappy with Joss Whedon for his work with Buffy because she essentially became a man in a woman's body. The argument is that if it walks, talks, fights, romances, dresses, and generally appears as a man then it's a man despite any obvious feminine parts. As I read them, a lot of the female heroes I have read fit into that type.

The thing that I love about Mercy is that even though she's a mechanic who knows enough martial arts to beat me senseless, even though she's stubbornly independent, has killed more than one supernatural beastie, and spends most of her life in jeans and t-shirts, she still very much feels like a real woman. I'd love to explain that better, but at this point I can't. It's not that she's got love interests in her life--though she does have plenty of that. It's not that she's weak, because she's a very strong character in her own right, regardless of the men around her. She's just believably a woman rather than a man pretending to be a woman (like those guys who play World of Warcraft and the like with female avatars).

Perhaps what helps is that Mercy has flaws and problems. She owns her business, but is still paying it off to the fae who sold it to her. She lives in a trailer across the way from the local Alpha werewolf. She doesn't have a lot of money. She originally planned on teaching high school history but fell into auto mechanics and loved it enough to stay. She knows enough to stay out of trouble with the werwolf pack but sometimes can't help herself from stirring up trouble.

Ultimately, it may be the most believable contemporary fantasy world I've discovered. I'm not too big on the romance/sex I've found in other books and I'm always mostly interested in believable and engaging characters. This book does have some romance in it, but not the dirty kind and I really have liked the characters and the way they've progressed thus far in the series. The books are by no means great literature, but I wouldn't hesitate to recommend them to anyone who would listen. If you happen to know anything else out there like it, I'd love to know about it.

Resolve

2010-01-02T20:07:00.003-07:00

Two weeks ago I was with family for a whole week enjoying some time without responsibilities. Last week (finishing tonight) I worked graves at the temple. All told, I've had little time for this blog. I'm sorry for those of you who missed me.

I had a great time with my family. I may talk about some of what I got later, but mostly it was just great to be with those I love. But I have to throw in a shout out to what my brother and sister-in-law gave Heidi and me. It gave me my favorite picture of 2009. Here's the picture:

Jeff and Jamie gave us a getaway to the gateway of Zions National Park. We ended up having to cash in before Christmas. This is my wife in front of Zions. A great backdrop for a pretty view if you ask me.

Anyway, in the tradition of the season, I thought I'd post what is currently my biggest resolve for 2010. I'm going to slow down and simplify my life. I've let too many things get me too anxious and I need to chill more. I'm going to try to focus on what's important and let the lesser things go. That may mean less blogging, less facebook, less internet in general, but I think I'll be better off.

Anyway, anyway, I'm going to try to go and unwind a little. Have a happy new year, y'all.

A Bit of Tongue in Cheek Twilight

2009-12-17T22:57:00.002-07:00

So, I'm going to be at my brother's house for Christmas week. I figured that I could post this now and give you something to tide you over until I get a chance to post again. I know you're all going to weep knowing I may not stay up on this as I ought.

Taylors Lautner and Swift were both on Saturday Night Live recently. Both paid homage to the Twilight saga. I thought I'd share their offerings. Enjoy.

First, Lautner enters in to the Edward v. Jacob debate.

And Swift stars in her own working of the Twilight mythos (yes, I know this one was first, but I don't care. I did it this way).

For something a little more Christmas-ish, check out Disney's Prep and Landing. It's a really nice contribution to Christmas specials.

Happy Holidays, y'all.

Shaving Report

2009-12-16T15:28:00.003-07:00

When I first started with a safety razor, I said I'd tell you how it went. I know it's the Christmas season and this makes for a less-than-holiday themed post, but it's what's on my mind at the moment and that means you get to read this or wait for whatever my brain churns out next. I figure now's a good a time as any since I've nearly finished off my first cake of shaving soap.

As you can see, I'm in good company with my choice in shaving methods. Cary Grant uses the old fashioned method. So does Jimmy Stewart, John Wayne, and I would dare say Clint Eastwood used the old fashioned razor more than once.

Anyway, I've got to say I'm happy with the switch with a couple of lessons learned and some things still to learn. The first thing I learned is that a 40+ year old safety razor is awesome for shaving, but 40+ razor blades are less than good. My first blades came from the same antique store where I got my handle. When I got my mug, brush and soap from Wally-World, I threw a package of razors in to boot. I was getting more nicks than I cared for and decided to try a new blade before I gave up. I guess being forged in the 60s gives a blade time to dull because the newer blades have seriously the quality of my shave as well as the well-being of my face.

Having said that, I'm still trying to figure out the optimal time to switch out my blades. Since I tend to shave every other day or so, I only use a blade three times a week. Thus far, I've been trying to use one side of the blade one week and the other the next, resulting in two weeks on one blade. However, there are times when it seems that the blades dull out more quickly than that, but that may be just because I'm less than consistent on when I swap them out.

I've also discovered that getting the right consistency in soap lather is as much art as science. Sometimes I get it too watery and sometimes I don't have enough wetness to get the soap to lather up. Still working on that, but it seems that a dip of the brush into warm water followed by a solid shake leaves enough moisture in the bristles to get a fair lather up.

I'm really pleased with the overall quality of my shaving, more so than I was with modern razors. Now that I've learned how my hair grows and can shave with the grain I nearly never have a bleeder. I also love how little waste I'm producing. I don't have any cans of shaving cream to throw out and packaging on the soap is pretty minimal. I don't have any plastic bits along with my razors to throw away when the blades get dull. It's costing less for me and has dropped the trash from shaving by more than thrice.

I'm looking forward to upgrading the pieces of my gear, and when I do I'd be willing to share what I have with anyone who wants to take the plunge (or wants their significant other to take the plunge). I'll clean, sterilize and ship what I replace. I'd love to help others catch the fire.

My Favorite Christmas Song

2009-12-09T14:03:00.002-07:00

I know my last post was a "favorite" post too. I don't care. Maybe, in an effort to be more positive (something I need to do better) I'm just exploring my favorite things. Heidi will always top the list, but there are other things on there as well.

I'm not sure when I settled on this as my favorite. I know when I actually used to play the piano this was one of the songs I knew how to--and liked to--play. I love the way it sounds.

My mom dislikes this one. She says it's sad. In the context (the song does come from a Charlie Brown episode) I guess she's right. Charlie Brown may be the most depressed cartoon kid ever. There are times when I wonder at his popularity. When I act like him, people don't want to watch me.

Anyway, I think what I like about this song is that it's mellow. There's no screaming, jingling, or loudness to it. I think the minor chord progressions (I think that's the right phrasing) kinda force you to slow it down a little. It makes you pay a little attention. Even if the tune sounds sad to you, the lyrics are all joy and happiness--and honestly not in a sarcastic way.

That's why I opted not to take a clip directly from the show. Charlie Brown interjects during the song to melancholize about his life (I just realized you always have to say his full name or it doesn't quite feel right). So, this video is from another group with a video that is a little hinky in places but is at least a happy one rather than a mopey one.

Enjoy it.

My Favorite Person

2009-12-02T20:15:00.002-07:00

I nearly neglected to do this, but this week is a prime opportunity to celebrate my favorite person in the whole wide world. I remember the first time I told Marcus that this person was my favorite and it crushed him, because he thought he was my favorite. Sorry, Buddy, but this person wins. You come in a really close second, though.

On December 1st, less than 30 years ago, this person was born. Named after the place where parents met, and the season of her birth, she tends to go more by Mommy now than her given name.

I first saw her in high school, thought she was dating a guy I didn't like (turned out I was wrong) and decided I wouldn't really like to get to know her because of that (turned out I was really, really wrong). We got reacquainted when I started dating her best friend shortly before I left to serve a mission in Texas (yeah, she's from Texas, but her Texas is a great deal prettier than mine was). We wrote the whole two years I was on my mission and when my former girlfriend and I parted ways, we pretty much started hanging out and never stopped.

Since then, she's been a stalwart focus in my life. She has maintained habits and traits that I want to emulate. She has always taken me for who I am while simultaneously pushing me to be my best self (try to do that without becoming overbearing. Yeah, it's really hard. Darn near impossible. But she makes it look easy).

If it weren't for her, I'd probably be some wannabe actor bemoaning the fact that no-talent hacks kept stealing my jobs. Instead, I'm on my way to becoming the first person in my family, ever, to get a PhD (as far as I know. We do have a couple of MDs, but I'll be the first with the philosophical version).

When I had an opportunity to go to Oxford to study fantasy literature, even though she was pregnant with Lukers, she supported my desire to go. In fact, she was more adamant about it than I was.

See, we're both "white" types. We like to avoid conflict and try to get along with everyone (as with pretty much every aspect of our lives, she's better at this than I am). So, I've constantly been willing to subsume my will to make her happy. She knows this and has forced me to do things I really want to. So much so that she had a secret stash she was saving from her work watching kids to put toward my motorcycle. I've suggested that we use that money for more important things and she gets mad at me for it.

If you're not yet convinced that she's awesome, my former Elders' quorum president (think of it as the president of the men's organization in the LDS church) once made a very true observation. He was in our home for a visit and was looking at our engagement and wedding pictures. He looked at me and said, "You know I love you Brother Bahlmann, but how did you get her? She's way out of your league."

I said, "I don't know, but I'm sure not complaining."

Since I like metaphors, I think I'll end with the following.

When we went shopping for a ring, the jeweler we talked to showed us a diamond that was pretty inexpensive. He told us that the reason it was so cheap was that there were several flaws in the diamond, but it was unique in that they were so small that you couldn't see them with the naked eye. Essentially, the diamond was nearly flawless as far as anyone can tell. That's Heidi. She's not perfect, and she freely admits it, but her imperfections are so slight that it takes some effort to find them and it's an effort I'm just too lazy to make.

Happy slightly belated birthday, my dove.

Music Moment, uh, Thanksgiving

2009-11-25T20:12:00.002-07:00

So, this was a recent youtube post by the Muppets. Already has over a million views. I can see why. It's nearly five minutes, but while you wait for your turkey to digest, you might as well watch it.

And, I caught a snippet of a discussion with the director of The Fantastic Mr. Fox. Included was the opening song and discussion of the soundtrack. It sounds like they kinda aimed for an old-school feel to the movie and it made me want to watch it. Here's the song I understand will be playing over the opening credits. This one is also long, but I wanted the multi-singer version 'cause that's what they're supposed to be using in the movie as I understand it.

I hope your Turkey Day is awesome.

Hello Dan

2009-11-18T17:30:00.012-07:00

As you all know, we lost our minivan a short time ago. It's been rough and hard on my homework and hard on our overall stress levels and kinda just hard for us in general to deal with. But we've finally found a replacement that we think will work for us for the foreseeable future. I would like you all to point your eyes to the left and bask in the glory of Dan the Un-Van.

Since Heidi and I aren't natural hagglers, we were very swayed by the idea of Carmax's no-haggle pricing. We were even more pleased when we realized that the prices really were good. I won't say the best out there, but very good certainly. It's definitely a place I'd suggest as an option if you're looking to buy a car. They were pleasant enough from start to finish.

If you don't recognize the make and model, Dan is a 2007 Kia Rondo. the online reviews say it's a good car, but kinda ugly. Since I don't think it's ugly, it seemed like a good choice. It fits into that almost-an-SUV category so I was worried we wouldn't fit. As you can see, I fit nicely and I can even sit in the back seat behind Heidi without too much squishing, so Marcus should be good back there for a while.

One of my favorite bits is this little shifter. To the right of the D, you can put the shifter there and pretend you're driving a manual transmission instead of an automatic.

We settled on Dan after a flurry of suggestions. We discussed calling it Snowball, Snowflake, Flake, Dandruff, and then Dan (see the progression?). What kinda sealed the deal for me and the kids is when I said, "Hey, Dan the not-van." and Marcus replied, "Dan the Un-Van." Heidi's less excited about the idea, but since I wasn't too happy with Mimsy, she decided to let this one go.

Theoretically, if we need to, we can add another row of seating back here. If we don't need to we have some awesome trunk space. Truth be told, for what it is, Dan is about as roomy a vehicle as I've been in.

It may not be the manliest vehicle ever, but we should own it clean and clear well before 2010's over and done with and it'll take care of getting us from point A to point B with minimal fuss and muss (now if we could get the kids to agree to doing the same thing, we'd be golden).

Goodbye Mimsy

2009-11-12T10:41:00.007-07:00

So, usually Heidi snags the pictures of events and blogs about them before I do. This means I end up saying something about how Heidi blogged about X so if you want to read about X follow the link to her blog. But not this time (bwah ha ha). I did the damage; I did the leg work to get the pictures; I'm going to post first (and then she'll post and it'll be more nuanced and I'll hang my head in shame and go back to my cave.)

We also found out what the number-crunchers had to say about the value of our van. If you're interested, that'll come after the pictures.

The damage was extremely localized to this side of the van. Even the front passenger door was pretty much untouched.

See that "square" of plastic? Somewhere in the wreck, that whole rear-most window either popped out or disintegrated completely.

This is the inside where Anneke almost always sits when she's in the car. I get a little sick when I think about what this might have done to her if she had been with me.

On the Las Vegas DMV proof of title, it lists an MSRP (manufacturer's suggested retail price) of $26,865. Now, we didn't really expect to get all of that since the value of our van has obviously dropped since then. However, that MSRP was apparently based on when the car was brand spanking new or something. Whoever it was that checked Mimsy over to see what she was worth decided that it was a little less than that. So, our budget for our next car is . . . . $10,169.38. That factors in a $1,000 deductible which I will be supplementing with the contents of my motorcycle fund. This brings our grand total to $11, 169.38. We're trying to stick as close to that number as we find feasible. If we manage to do that, we'll actually end up owning our car clean and clear from the moment we drive it off the lot. That'd be nice and free up a fair amount of income for to survive better on.

The question we have now is this: do we want to try to replace Mimsy with a vehicle that we intend to drive until it falls apart (what we intended to do with Mimsy) or do we want to get something that will survive for now with the understanding that Marcus will outgrow the back seat in four years or so? Whaddaya think?

Cool Poster

2009-11-09T15:15:00.004-07:00

I stumbled across this through a friend on Facebook. I think it's funny. You should too.

I have to warn you that the site itself (listed on the side of the image) isn't censored and there is some foul language and crude jokes. Having said that, this one's awesome.

In other news, we heard that our van will probably be totaled. This may be a good thing though, as we bought Mimsy for a whole lot less than she was worth. We may be able to replace her for less than the insurance payout for the wreck. Maybe. I don't understand all the legalese, but our company, USAA, has been very good to work with thus far and I'm hoping that will continue.

It's Just a Flesh Wound

2009-11-05T15:08:00.002-07:00

Since auto accidents are not conducive to the scholastic mindset, and since waiting for your insurance company to call exacerbates this issue, I have opted to try to catharsize my wreck in blog form so that I can maybe get something productive done today afterwards. I apologize for any vagaries, but I'm not sure how much of this blog could be admissible in court and, while the reporting officer cited me as at fault, I'd like to give myself as much legal wriggle room as possible.

Here's what happened (at least as I remember it):

I was turning left from Tropicana (one of Vegas' main roads) onto Burnham (a less than main road). I had an obstructed view of oncoming traffic, but was pretty sure I had room to make the turn. It was only after I had committed to the turn that I saw the Jeep coming at me. I tried to clear the intersection by gunning it (which the officer mentioned was the best I could have done in that situation). Unfortunately, that wasn't going to cut it.

They talk about time slowing down in these kinds of situations. They're half right. I don't think it's so much time slowing down as the brain working faster. I was able to realize that I was going to get hit and it wasn't going to be pleasant. I got a vague sense of the driver of the other car having the same realization.

I got hit.

My van spun 180 degrees. During the trajectory of the spin, I had enough time to recognize that I was only on two wheels and that I could actually see the surface of the road out the driver's side window. I knew that I was imbalanced enough that I just might end up on the side. I tried to brace for impact--though I had no idea how exactly to prepare for that kind of thing), but our wonderful van opted to save me from that pain and righted itself. She came to rest with both passenger side tires on the curb of the sidewalk facing the opposite direction we had been heading.

I took time to take stock of my situation and to assess the other driver's wellness and attitude. He got out of the car, took a look and smiled. So, I got out of the car also. We checked on each other, relieved to find out no one got hurt (both of us were wearing seat belts). Even his dog was okay. She ended up staying in our car for a while since his was still poking out into the intersection a little bit.

I had been headed to the church building. Several of the youth came out to check on us, as well as all of the leaders and the missionaries who were there. There wasn't much they could do, so they went back inside.

There was a lot of waiting.

After we settled things out, Saul (the other driver) and I hitched a ride home. Heidi was worried about me. I apologized. We were offered several loaner vehicles/rides, but a friend who lived close called and said he was going to be by to drop off their spare car. We'll be using that until we get it all settled out with Mimsy (the name of our van who may or may not pull through (cross your fingers)).

While the situation was really unpleasant itself, I shared in the accident with a very pleasant person and it's helped me to realize how strong a support structure I have. I've had offers of help from members of our ward and from my academic colleagues. I know there are others who would be willing to help if I called on them. My family has been in touch and offered their love and support. I've been kinda whiney lately, and I won't deny that we're going through one of the less-sunny times in our life as a family, but I had my eyes opened to how good I have it because the people around us love and care about us.

This accident is going to set us back quite a bit financially. I expect it will completely drain the money I had saved up toward an eventual motorcycle. But I know that I am rich in friends and family and that no accident can take that away.

My body works, my wife loves me and we'll get through this together.

Now I need to go read about a mouse and a cookie with my daughter. I can do that.

Whee-hah

2009-11-04T14:18:00.003-07:00

A colleague told me a couple of days ago that one of the best exercises that prepared her for her comps was blogging. So, I'm going to prep a little by sharing what's on my mind and tying in another request for advice. (and just so you know, that title comes from a sound my kiddles make when they're excited about something)

I just registered for my last full semester of course work. I'm a little nervous to realize how close to academic judgement day I am. After next semester, I have one more course, my comprehensive tests--which I'm working on right now, remember--and a dissertation. Then, maybe I can get a real job in the field I was planning on entering at the beginning. Then I'll be able to do real prep for a class and be an actual faculty member instead of the student/faculty hybrid I feel like I am right now.

I also realized how short my semester is. Just over a month to finish all the stuff I have to do. On top of that, I just found out I've been scheduled to work Thanksgiving at job #2. So, once again, no family Turkey-day for me. It bums me out because we've already missed out on so many of those and it's hard to stay in touch with my relations. I really don't want to lose those connections, but I feel like that's happening. On the plus side, this is supposed to mean that I get Christmas off.

I actually felt like I got some good feedback the last time I petitioned for input/advice, so I'm going to try that again. A few posts ago, I talked about an old motorcycle my family found and suggested I could buy now rather than waiting. At the time, I turned the bike down, holding out for what I really want. After yesterday, I'm reconsidering. I spent the day at school instead of trying to work from home. It was one of my most productive days ever, but at about 1:00 I really, really wanted to go home to see my family. I had to determine if it was worth the hour round trip to spend 45 minutes with my family before I had to be back for my office hours and class. It hurt my heart, but I stayed on campus because the bike ride was just too daunting.

The way I figure, if I get the motorcycle, I'll be pushing back the timeline for getting the motorcycle I want, but it will improve the time I can spend with family and at school being productive. This is by no means an ideal motorcycle, but it is cheap transportation. I know Heidi is opposed. I know how much I want to be able to make more quality time with my family. I just don't know what to do. I would appreciate it if you would give me some advice, suggestions, and/or feedback on what you think is best for me and my family in this situation.

Edit: Don't worry about the advice. I wrecked our van and will now spend the money on that. I expect I will be giving you a more complete report of the accident later.

URE DOIN IT WRONG

2009-10-29T18:04:00.007-06:00

One of my favorite things about the TV show Castle is how great of a relationship the main character has with his daughter. They work well together and, I would argue most importantly, she knows that he'll drop anything he's doing to come and help her out when she needs it; it's a fact he proved in at least one episode. [in the picture, he's preparing to greet his daughter's date in true mystery-writer style]

I say that to help set up what happened this afternoon. I was sitting in what we call the play room, reading for class. Marcus was on the computer and Anneke was bugging him. Honestly, this was fairly standard fare for our house.

Suddenly, I became aware of Heidi asking Marcus, "Are you making her pay you to play with her?" Things kind of devolved into a bizarre flurry of chaotic discussion, but before the dust settled, Marcus said something that stopped me dead in my tracks.

I was apologizing for not paying more attention to what was going on between him and his sister and he said, "It's okay, Dad. You're homework is more important than me telling you that Anneke is bugging me."

It's been two years, at least, since I cried like I did this afternoon.

Understand that when Heidi and I were first married that I had plans to be an actor. I walked away from that dream when we found out we were pregnant. I chose to go into teaching because I couldn't stand the thought of making a child of mine suffer while I indulged my own selfish desires. While I have to admit I've wondered about what might have been, I've never regretted the decision to put my kids over my career. Never.

I've explained this to Marcus now. I think he believes me. I hope he does. But obviously, somewhere along the line, I screwed up because he actually believed that my stupid homework was more important that what he was dealing with.

My problem is that I don't know what to do about it. I think I've overstated on my blog just how much I'm trying to juggle. I thought I had a decent balance. I don't if Marcus feels this way. But how do I fix it? How can I be the dad my kids deserve without failing my classes--the whole reason we're parked in Las Vegas in the first place? Shoot, the biggest reason I'm going through my graduate degrees the way I am is in hopes of making things better for them in the long run. But, if I lose them along the way, what was the point?

I'm really at a loss, here. I don't know how to change what I'm doing. Something needs to change, but for the life of me I don't know what or how to do it.

Please, help.

MMM: Follow Me, Boys

2009-10-25T20:17:00.002-06:00

I can't find a video to go to for this song, or even where to get a postable version, so you'll have to follow me, boys (and girls) to this link. It's the best I can do under the circumstances.

Heidi and I went to a scout training overnighter. I admit that, going in to it, I didn't have the best attitude. I felt that it was another thing to take away from all the things I needed to do. I knew it would put me behind in school-work. It also meant foisting our kids off on someone else and Heidi and I weren't even allowed to share a tent.

It turns out that our stake president (the leader of a group of congregations) has been wanting to do this for 9 years. The leadership in our ward, and generally in the stake, has been uninspired and uninspiring for the most part. I have to say that I can't remember much specifically, but I came away from that camp with a stronger desire to work with my partners in scouting and do this thing right.

I have also decided that I'm not going to hold myself to a once weekly post. I have enough demands on me, things that I have to do by a certain time that it's become more of a challenge than a joy. I'll still try to post once a week, but I make no guarantees and I don't think I'll be doing as many songs. Sorry for those of you who will miss it.

New New Moon Awesomeness

2009-10-22T09:36:00.003-06:00

This'll be quick. I stumbled across a more complete version of the scene where Jacob jumps over Bella and transforms in the air (the one you see in the trailer). I think it's pretty cool myself.

And, for those of you who are considering the vampire option, I suggest reading this manifesto of things you ought not to do.

On that note, I should probably go do homework. But I leave you with one final thought:

CAN

2009-10-21T09:58:00.002-06:00

My brother sent me an email that he probably got from someone else and so on. I kinda like to write my own stuff for this blog, since it's supposed to be by me, but I thought that this time I'd just show you almost verbatim what he sent to me:

A son asked his father, 'Dad, will you take part in a marathon with me?' The father who, despite having a heart condition, says 'Yes'. They went on to complete the marathon together.

Father and son went on to join other marathons, the father always saying 'Yes' to his son's request of going through the race together.

One day, the son asked his father, 'Dad, let's join the Ironman together.' To which, his father said 'Yes' to.

For those who didn't know, Ironman is the toughest triathlon ever. The race encompasses three endurance events of a 2.4 mile (3.86 kilometer) ocean swim, followed by a 112 mile (180.2 kilometer) bike ride, and ending with a 26.2 mile (42.195 kilometer) marathon along the coast of the Big Island.
Father and son went on to complete the race together.

MMM: Gethsemane

2009-10-19T06:30:00.000-06:00

So, as of this writing, I'm still fighting off melancholia. My list of good stuff didn't quite buoy me up as much as I was hoping.

This song really doesn't solve anything for me, but it helps me. It reminds me that there is at least One who knows exactly how I feel right now. And he's been through worse. Even though he faced worse than I have, I also know he doesn't look at my suffering and think that I'm being a wimp. He respects my own struggles and supports me as I go.

Like I said, it doesn't solve anything. But it does help me find a little bit of peace in all this.

The Almighty Pickle Sucker

2009-10-15T18:53:00.003-06:00

I think I've mentioned before that I listen to inspirational talks from time to time as I ride my banged-up bike to school. A couple of days ago, I listened to a talk by then Elder Gordon B. Hinckley in which he talked about the "gifted pickle sucker". The text of the talk is that of an optimist. It seems he was always one of those "sunny-side" kind of guys. I admire that, but I have a hard time duplicating it. Alas, it seems I have an easier time being a pickle sucker.

That's not to say I don't have reason to feel my life is rough. I'm currently working 60+ hours a week between school and my two jobs. Literally, the only day of the week I'm not required to do something for one of my jobs is Thursday. Despite all that time I put in to work, my family is required to live in an apartment that's really too small for us and I ride a bike that has seen much better days. I could list all sorts of reasons why I'm justified in sucking on that darn pickle, but I thought I'd try to follow in President Hinckley's footsteps and the counsel of that one hymn and spend a little time counting my blessings. If you find this boring, redundant or not worth your time, by all means click on the little circle with the x in it and go about your merry way. I won't know either way.

I have one of the most loving and supporting wives ever. Today was the first day in a long time she's actually told me how she feels about all this (and she's not exactly ecstatic either). Most of the time she's offering to do more to help me out. She's forcing me to take naps during the day so I can survive my weekend graves; she's helping grade my quizzes; she does most of the heavy lifting with the kids. She's done a lot to make sure I can survive all this.

I have three kids who love to see me and hang out with me. Ironically, this can make it a bit tougher. When I have to go to sleep after getting home from my graveyard shift, I sometimes have a hard time knowing they're awake and playing and I could be playing with them. But they want to hang out with me in any case. And how awesome is that? They're also incredibly smart, pretty and loving. They ain't perfect, but they try their best and that's all we can ask anyway, right?

With a lot of blood, sweat and tears, I have managed to work my own way through ten years of schooling. Once we (eventually) get my student loans paid off, I will be able to say that I paid for my own education. Me. And I did it coming from a less-than-privileged background.

Speaking of that background, I was taught a great deal by my parents. I understand the value of hard work, of being able to swing a hammer and sawing a board. I was taught the value of good books. I learned how to make my own way and how to make something out of something else (my current desk was made by me out of someone's old entertainment center). I was taught that people deserve to be respected and that there's a great deal of value in having a name that people respect. I was also taught that the Gospel is important and that a faith in God counts for a lot in this world.

I also have a family that I know would do everything they could to help me out if I asked. In the midst of all my pickle-sucking, it's easy to forget how much they have helped me and would help me if I needed them.

I have a great support structure at school (and that's been true of every school I've attended). I've been able to find--or more accurately, be found--by great people who support and respect me and have helped me to learn and grow into something I never thought I'd be.

I have a group of leaders in the gospel that have helped me both locally and generally. If my wife had a favorite apostle, it would be Jeffrey R. Holland. No matter how hard it gets, I think of a talk he gave early on where he talks about the difficulties of trying to get an education with a family. I remember has he talked about wanting to tell his past self to keep going, that it was worth it, he got choked up. The image has stuck with me and helps a little when I'm tempted to reach for my pickle.

I apologize to any of you who missed my musical moment this past Monday. I won't say it won't happen again, but I'll do my best. The truth is, that if I'm keeping my priorities in order, this blog is a fair way down the list and I'm comfortable with that.

I'm trying, only God knows how hard I'm trying. I suppose I'm just going to have to ask for a little patience from Him, from my family and from myself until I get through this thing. In the mean time, I'd appreciate any prayers, positive thoughts, karmic well wishes or whatever your brand of non-tangible support you could give me.

Thanks.

Ren Faire Awesomeness

2009-10-11T17:24:00.014-06:00

Heidi already posted a bit about the Las Vegas Age of Chivalry renaissance faire. It was a bit hectic and crowded, but I think we had a pretty good time (and I gotta say my form with the longbow is pretty darn good in my opinion).

Anyway, I think my favorite this year was these guys you see to the left. They were part of a group of what were ostensibly Vikings. The thing is that there was enough cultural sharing that early Viking style is roughly synonymous with Anglo-Saxon fashion. So, in my own twisted little mind I'm standing with guys who represent the culture I'm studying. Heidi and I are discussing dressing in similar garb for next year. It shouldn't be all that expensive or overwhelmingly hot. I'm all for it. There were way too many pirates this year, so I know I won't be using that particular costume again for a good long while.

Anyway, I'm sticking in some pictures of the camp these guys had.

This is an image of Jurmungandr, the snake which encircles the world. When he lets go of his tail, the world will end.

This image didn't come through as clearly. Both it and the above were taken from actual Germanic relics.

This is a travel house. As far as I know, the horned helmet is the most anachronistic (that means that there's very little evidence Vikings really wore the thing).

The gear of a Viking

The shields have a lot of knotwork and images that seem to be somewhat common with Celtic, Anglo-Saxon and Germanic people in the early medieval period. Some say that it was the Germanic people that started the style and the Celts adopted it from them.

In other news, it's good to be an Anglo-Saxon scholar right now. They found a massive treasure hoard in England recently that they're still cleaning and cataloging as we speak. It's really exciting even if I don't have the scholarship necessary to really do anything with it in my own work. I'll be keeping my eye on this. And check out this little image gallery where they put some of the pieces into context.

I may not know yet what I'm going to be focusing on in my PhD, but this discovery and talking with the guy at the ren fest has made me realize that I really do love this stuff. It's nice to be reminded of that from time to time.

So, I'm still tired from the excitement of this weekend, but I'm also kinda happy. Yay for that.

Yay, Obama (but for What Exactly?)

2009-10-09T10:07:00.002-06:00

I just found out this morning that President Barack Obama has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Along with many others whom they discuss in the article, I have to wonder what exactly he's done to be placed in the same category as people like Mother Teresa and Martin Luthor King Jr. In fact, according to this Saturday Night Live skit, the answer is pretty clear (and I gotta say I think it's a pretty funny skit).

Now, to be clear and as fair as possible, it was a comedy sketch, but one apparently so scathing that CNN felt the need to check its facts. It's supposedly not a representation of the truth of Obama's successes. But I'd like to say that what they're saying is technically and in some cases theoretically true.

In any case, I have to say that I think that Obama is a good man at heart who is trying to do what he sees as the right thing. The problem is that he's been given the role of the liberal messiah, a role that nobody, no matter how perfect, could fill, and Obama is far from perfect. In my opinion, he needs to stop with the media blitz, the effort to get a finger in every pie, and to start focusing on the United States. After all, he wasn't named president of the world, just of our nation.

I don't agree with all his politics. I don't agree with what he has tried to do thus far. I do think that he hasn't done nearly enough to qualify for something like the Nobel Peace Prize. I mean, really, what has he done to deserve this kind of recognition? Seriously?

Alas Masculinity

2009-10-08T13:36:00.002-06:00

As a member of the English lit department, I've heard my share of "men are pigs" rhetoric. I've done what I can to fight the stereotype, to elevate the status of men as a culture. To be fair, I think that most feminists are aware that the stereotype of the piggish, chauvinist male isn't always accurate, but sometimes things come up that seem to underscore the knuckle-dragging status of men in society.

I've never really been the politically active type. I just don't know if it's going to be worth all the time and effort it takes to actually try to do anything worthwhile, if that's even possible. In fact, I think that one of the failings of the conservatives in the nation is that they share this attitude.

Anyway, I've become involved in a discussion surrounding an ad that ran in the Rebel Yell (UNLV's student newspaper). What has fascinated me is how incapable most of the students who respond are of making a coherent and well-reasoned thought regarding this issue.

In the issue in question, a full page ad ran on the back paper advertising a local burger joint. Included as part of the ad was a 50s style cartoon representing a nude woman kneeling with her back to the viewer and portioned out with black lines and writing as if she were one of those diagrams you can see at some butcher shops marking out where different cuts of meat originate.

After the discussion ran for some time, the Rebel Yell posted a response to it which includes an image of the ad (just in case you wanted to see the thing. It's not awfully risque, but the context is very interesting).

For me, I recognize that living in Las Vegas comes with a certain amount of objectification of women and the sexualization/degradation of the male response to the world. I know that the Thunder From Down Under shows that this objectification can and does go both ways, but I would still argue that men are still the primary target for most of this libidinous stimulation.

Anyway, I want to believe that on a university campus that there are certain higher expectations. I want to believe that we are interested in looking past the smut and trying to engage our higher faculties. Things like this ad, and the fact that in the same issue, they included a piece on college sexual practices that had an image of a Playboy bunny attached to it with an ad for student discounts on breast augmentation right below that, make me wonder.

So, placed in the context of all of this, I've decided to be part of this particular conversation. I actually believe that maybe we can get someone to think the next time they design an ad for this campus. Maybe I can be part of a little change in a big city and that's kinda fun.

Having said all this, I'm curious to know what y'all think. Considering this to be part of a bigger picture issue, are we overreacting to this? Do you think it's worth the fuss? I'm just trying to get a little outside perspective. If'n you don't wanna chime in, that's fine. If you want to get involved 'cause this gets you all hot and bothered, you can even join the facebook group. If you think it's a waste of time, I'd love to know the reasons why it's all a big overreaction in your opinion. Thanks and stuff.

MMM: And Now for Something Completely Different

2009-10-05T06:30:00.000-06:00

On my mission, we had a rule that we could only listen to classical music or church music. Our mission president actually said at one point that he really didn't want to get any more specific than that and left us to our own devices as far as interpreting what exactly that meant.

I took a slightly literal approach and found an old CD catalogue that included Enya and the soundtrack from The Man From Snowy River in the classical section. It also allowed that The Last of the Mohicans soundtrack was classical, which was fine with me.

A person we studied with in one of my areas suggested an interesting remix of Beethoven's 5th symphony which I thought might be worth sharing. Enjoy.

It probably goes without saying that, while I really appreciated this remix, it pushed the rules a bit too far to actually keep in my missionary musical library. But now I see nothing wrong with it.

A Parable for the Day: Lessons from Scouting

2009-10-02T14:01:00.004-06:00

On Sunday, I felt the urge to get up and share a half-formed thought that was going through my head during the meeting. I balked for a little while but finally got up and shared. I've had the same feeling about sharing it on my blog, but was balking as well. But I think now that it may be helpful if I throw it out there.

One of the requirements to earn the swimming merit badge is to jump into the water fully clothed and be able to take off your clothing while treading water. When I jumped in, I struggled some, trying to get off my gigantic shoes, soaked jeans and the like. At one point my thoughts went something like this, "This is stupid. I'm going to die here in this pool. I really don't want it all to end in this little pool in Ephraim. I'm going to drown before I can do this." It was physically impossible for me to get my clothes off and keep my head above water (in case you were wondering, we all wore swimming suits under our clothes, which honestly probably added to the difficulty). In fact, to make any real progress, I had to take a deep breath and then forget about breathing while I tried to work my pants off, or a shoe, or whatever only to surface when I literally couldn't hold my breath any longer.

This memory came to me pretty vividly as I was sitting in sacrament meeting and I realized there was probably a reason for that. Recently, I've had thoughts going through my head that go something like this, "This is stupid. I'm going to fall completely apart here in this city. I really don't want it all to end in this little apartment in Las Vegas. I'm going to have a mental breakdown before I can do this." It seems sometimes as I try to balance two jobs, school work, a church calling and being a real member of my family that I figuratively can't keep my head above water and do even a decent job with half of what I have to do. The honest truth is that I know there are times that I haven't been able to keep my head out of the water, that I'm going under--at least for a little while

The thing is, with both of these situations, when I can calm myself enough to think even slightly rationally, I know I'm not going to fail. When I was in the pool, the edge of the pool was lined with leaders watching us as we struggled, completely aware of our situation. The weren't going to let us drown. There were also other scouts in the pool and, as I recall, they'd occasionally shout encouragement to those of us still struggling to get through this ordeal. There was support for us, but we still had to make it through the task on our own.

The same is true with my current "deep end" experience. Our Heavenly Father is watching us from the edge of the pool. He's completely aware of our situation. He knows how far we can go before he needs to step in. There are also a lot of other people in the pool with us. While they may not be able to hold us up as we go through our own testing, they are there to encourage and offer whatever help they can as we struggle.

As hard as our current situation may be, we cannot fail if we trust our Leader. We can make it through whatever trials we face, whatever challenges we receive if we do what He knows we can do. It may be hard. There may be times when we feel like we're going to drown under our burdens. There may be times when we really aren't keeping our heads above water. When that happens, we need to take a deep breath and keep going until we literally can't keep going anymore. At that point, if we haven't succeeded, we will get help. But likely as not, when we come up gasping for air we'll find that we're a lot closer to our objective that we thought we were.

My Weed Killer Gauge is on Empty

2009-10-01T19:50:00.003-06:00

Heidi mentioned that BYU is in the process of developing an alternative fuel source using week killer. Thanks to the glory of Google, I submit this story for your perusal.

Simplistically speaking (i.e. as much as an English guy can get from a science article). These guys were trying to get carbs from sugar to work as an energy source. They figured out the catalyst was some sort of weed killer. Since hydrogen fuel cells require platinum to catalyze, I would dare say that if they can get this up and running it'll make for a much cheaper source than what we have in development now.

I can officially say at this point with no sarcasm or hesitation, "Go Cougs!"

(I was gonna add a picture of a fuel gauge 'cause I tend to not have a lot of pics on my blog, but blogger is having issues and you all know what one looks like anyway. Sheesh.)

Be a Man

2009-09-30T10:06:00.002-06:00

I've talked about the website the Art of Manliness before. I'll probably talk about it again. It's partially to blame for my safety razor experiment (to which I'll be posting a follow up post later).

A member of the LDS group on the site posted the following video which is excerpted from a talk given by one of the twelve apostles (for those who may not know/recall, they serve in much the same capacity as Jesus' apostles in governing and teaching the body of the church). However, you don't have to be a Mormon to appreciate the message.

I nearly cried when I heard him give the talk. I nearly cried when I watched it again in this message. It makes me want to be a better husband to my wife. She deserves it.

MMM: Guilty Pleasure of the Summer

2009-09-28T06:30:00.000-06:00

Our current apartment comes with free cable which includes the Disney Channel. This has been a mixed blessing, but one thing that we discovered was a little show called Phineas and Ferb. I was a little hesitant, but it's actually a very fun show (you can check out some episodes at that link).

Phineas (the one with the triangle head) is an eternal optimist and his brother Ferb (the one with the green hair) doesn't say much. Their pet platypus, Perry, (the blue box-looking thing) doubles as a secret agent. Their sister tries to get them in trouble (though they never think they're doing anything bad), but she never manages it.

It's a very light-hearted and fun show that may not teach any deep truths, but isn't offensive to us either.

This is my favorite song from the series thus far. Enjoy.

I'm Not Job

2009-09-24T16:14:00.005-06:00

This week has been a rough and chaotic week. We've had things broken. We've lost sleep. We've gotten bad news. I went to a memorial service for a professor who died just before school started. I've been overwhelmed with school work, teaching, parenting, church service, etc.

After careful thought and prayer and a psychological battle, I had to turn down a motorcycle my Mom and brothers found for me that seemed to be a God-send. It wasn't pretty, but it meant that I would be riding a motorcycle as soon as we could get it down to me and fixed up rather than in several years once I had the funding built up. It was a very hard decision to make for me.

Yesterday, last night and today we all got pitifully sick. We've had the results of said illness spread over nearly every room of our house and, though it's not a large place, it's been daunting to clean up and take care of sick kids.

Last night, in a fit of admittedly spiteful frustration, I whined to God that I wasn't Job while I prayed. I was at a point where I just didn't know if I could handle any more physical, emotional, mental or psychological frustration.

And then, He gently reminded me that I indeed was not Job. I hadn't lost my wife. I still had three beautiful children who seem to be recovering quite nicely already. The illness I was suffering was not nearly to the magnitude that Job suffered. While I don't have much to lose temporally speaking, I hadn't lost what I do have and I am still able to make enough to meet my family's needs.

He also reminded me that I wasn't Job because I was whining against my Creator. I was essentially blaming him for what I was facing (admittedly, what happened last night was not a very high moment in my life. Please don't judge me too harshly for it). Job did lament his fate, but He didn't rail against his loving Father in Heaven. Rather, he turned to Him in faith and unburdened his soul so that the Lord, through the power of his atoning sacrifice, could ease the afflictions he was facing.

No, I'm not Job. I have not been reduced to the level of hardship he faced. Nor did I face the hardships I have with the dignity or faith that he did.

I've been asking the Lord to help me center my life and to give Heidi and myself more hope and optimism (sorry for dragging you into this, Babe). When he gave me a test, I obviously showed myself to be extremely lacking in both. While I guess it proves that I do need to work on seeing the glory and joy that exists in my life no matter how tough it may seem, I have enough of an ego that it stings when I'm chided for it.

And, Jeff, though I'm still not over losing the bike that I though I wanted now, thanks for helping me remember the bike I know I want then (whenever that then may be).

Tentative List

2009-09-22T10:50:00.002-06:00

Okay, I didn't get a whole lot of response to my post asking for workout music. What's the deal, are you all the type who listens to all the mellow stuff? Yeah, me too. That's part of why I actually had to think about this, and why I have so little on my iPod right now that really pumps me up.

Anyway, I thought I'd give you a start to what I'm thinking about. I considered linking to youtube videos, but honestly some of the videos are kinda weird. So, if you want to find 'em, by all means go ahead. If not, I'd still like to know if you have any suggestions besides what's on here.

Adrenaline by 12 Stones

Thunderstruck by AC/DC

Smooth Criminal by Alien Ant Farm (awesome name, huh?)

Helter Skelter by the Beatles (seriously, it might work)

It's My Life by Bon Jovi

My Hero by Foo Fighters

Remember Me by Hoobastank

Coming Undone by Korn (I had to check the lyrics on this one, but it's actually okay)

Numb by Linkin Park

Enter Sandman by Metallica

Because of You by Nickelback

Iron Man by Ozzy Osbourne

Eye of the Tiger by Survivor

I Wanna Live by Tesla

Hash Pipe by Weezer

I'd love feedback, what sorts of songs you think wouldn't work from this list and any songs that you think may be worth adding.

My brother suggested Hinder, Theory of a Dead Man, Daughtry, Halestorm, Seether as well as some that's already on the list. I'm going to look into them, but wondered if there are any specific songs that y'all may know about.

I've discovered I'm really going to want some driving stuff. Heidi noticed some change after my first workout, but since then it's been slow in coming. I'm thinking if I'm going to actually stick to this I'm going to need to draw motivation from wherever I can get it and the right music will help with that.

MMM: Luke's Favorites Edition

2009-09-21T06:30:00.001-06:00

Thanks to a little help from one of my colleagues, my children have been receiving an education in the glory of 80s cartoons.

Now, around our house from time to time we hear a little toddler exclaim, "Yooo, Joe!"

At other times, like at dinner last night, we may hear "Thunder, Ho-o!"

Yes, I know my children don't stand a chance. But, really, what cartoons today can even hold a candle to those we grew up on?

Dumping

2009-09-18T14:15:00.003-06:00

{Warning: this blog is going to be a bit whiney and self-centered. I debated doing this, but believe that if I get this off my chest and air it out that I may be able to get over myself and be a more healthy and engaged person. If you want to skip this one and come back next time, I wouldn't blame you.}

I took a facebook quiz a little while ago that led to a bit of a discussion about motorcycles. The result was that I got curious how much shipping would be on a Suzuki Boulevard C50 (see to the left for a picture of the beauty I'm talking about) were I to actually buy one on ebay.

I found out that there are a few bikes of the type I'm looking for for around $3,500. I figured that's encouraging--I've saved about $1,000 thus far. So, I clicked on a random sample to see how much shipping would be from wherever it was to here. I looked at the start location and saw Henderson, NV. I thought something had gone wrong so I double checked. Nope, nothing had gone wrong. There is a Suzuki Boulevard C50 in Henderson, NV for $3,495. The biggest flaw is a dent in the gas tank.

The thing is, I try to be careful because when I see things like this I get unhappy. When I find I'm so close to what I want but can't get it I start to kinda shut down a little. I really didn't expect to find this kind of a thing. I was planning on just checking on shipping prices so I had a spitball estimate for the total it would cost me to buy a used motorcycle to compare it to buying new. That's all I wanted. Period.

Instead, I keep trying to crunch numbers and ideas and theories and get-rich-quick schemes in my head to figure out how to make it work. This comes on the heels of a budget discussion that Heidi and I had on Monday that was less than encouraging then. After our talk, I know it's not feasible. I'm almost a third of the way to the purchase price, but that's not quite close enough. In my moroseness, I worry I'll never get beyond "not quite close enough".

I have both logical and illogical reasons for wanting a motorcycle. Tomorrow, I have to go in to work. While I'm gone, Heidi won't have a vehicle. If I had a bike, I could ride that and she'd still have a car. If I had a bike, I wouldn't have to ride for 25 minutes in 100+ degree heat to get to school. Since we primarily use the van to get me to and from work, having a motorcycle would most likely result in significant gas savings too. See, logical reasons.

I wanted a motorcycle so badly at one point that I made it the subject of some fasting and prayer. Call it silly if you want to, but God didn't seem to mind. In fact, I got the distinct impression that it'll all work out eventually. We've been getting that a lot lately about our situation it seems. I know I need more patience. This is making me work on it more than I really like.

Ultimately, I guess the problem is that sometimes I start feeling sorry for myself because I feel like I'm doing so much to take care of my family both in the short and long term that I don't get much in the way of "me"-ness. Maybe that's just selfishness. Maybe it demonstrates a lack of faith. Maybe I'm just a big baby. Maybe, but I'm not sure how to cope with it and get over it. I'm trying to figure it out. Please be patient with me. I'm trying to be patient with myself.

It'll be easier once the ebay site for this motorcycle closes on Tuesday. At least I hope so. When I've gotten this close in the past and it hasn't worked out, I got better once I realized that was the case. Until then, beware the looming moper (sounds like some sort of deranged supercharacter, huh?).

Pity Me Party

2009-09-17T12:01:00.003-06:00

I admit that lately I've been wondering if maintaining this blog is worth it. I talked with Heidi about it (which resulted in this little post on her part). I've been asking myself why I've been doing it and I still don't have a complete answer to that. However, I know that part of the reason I do this is to try to connect with people. Ergo, if I feel I'm not connecting at least part of the reason I'm doing this is defunct.

I feel hypocritical asking for comments because I find that I don't leave comments as much as I feel that I ought. Sometimes it's because I have nothing to say and sometimes it's because I only have a few seconds to read before I'm off to pick up kids, do homework, clean the house, or whatever it is I should be doing when I'm doing this.

So, I've added a little followers widget to the side, right under my very manly countdown to the New Moon movie. This widget tells me who claims to be reading my blog whether they comment or not. So, if'n y'all don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you added yourself to the list if you tend to read what I'm writing.

Again, I'm also going to ask what kind of stuff you'd like to see me write about. I can continue or quit Music Moment Mondays, I can blog about teaching (though I'd have to be careful I don't say too much specifically), I can blog about Boy Scouts, I can blog about pop culture (i.e. Twilight stuff, comics, TV I'm watching). Really, I'm open to what may interest you. I still don't know what I really want to write about which makes suggestions that much more interesting at this point.

I think I want to keep this up for my own benefit, but I'm kinda working on where I want to go with it. Your help may determine my future on the blogosphere.

Also, there may be some construction on the sidebar setup in the next while. While this may not have any effect on your reading pleasure, I just wanted to let you know 'cause things in an unsettled state may look odd and/or ratty and/or messed up. Just so ya know.

Okay, that's enough of that . . . for now. And for reading this far, I offer you a bonus. The following is a fan-made mashup comprised of the three New Moon trailers and a little footage they dug up somewhere else. Quite possibly the best trailer I've seen for the film thus far. Now Heidi's bemoaning the fact that she's being converted to the light side (that is to say those who are fans of Jacob). It's over 5 minutes long, but if you can find the time it's worth the watch.

MMM: New Talent Mariellon

2009-09-14T06:30:00.000-06:00

This week's music comes from the younger sister of a trio of kids I knew when I was living in Manti. They're a very good family. I found out about her from a fan request her brother sent along on facebook. I decided to see if I liked her music and think she's actually pretty good. She's waiting to get 1,000 fans on the 'book before she cuts a demo track, so if you have an account and like what you hear, become a fan.

'Cause it's my blog and I can, I'm going to offer two of her songs on my blog. There are a few others on youtube if you're interested.

A Little Justification

2009-09-10T10:49:00.003-06:00

Honest truth, I don't know how many people even bother with my blog anymore. I know it's pretty meh at the moment. I still don't know what people want to see if anyone is even interested, so I've just been plugging along with whatever I feel is worth posting.

The big reason why I've been so lax in any sort of posts of merit is that I have a lot on my plate right now. I'm a full-time grad student, teacher of two lit classes, Sunday School teacher, assistant scout master, part time security officer, workout buddy, husband to a wife who doesn't get nearly the time from me she deserves, dad to three kids who also would like more time from me, not to mention my efforts to be a full-time slacker. All of these things take time.

I'm not necessarily complaining. Truth be told, I have a healthy family who loves me. I have some excellent colleagues who are willing to listen when I get whiny and offer what support they can. I have a wife who does all that and so much more to try to keep me sane (not realizing I wasn't sane when she met me :P). I really don't have a terrible life and I know it could be so much worse. Could be better, sure, but could be a whole lot worse.

So, anyway, I guess the point is that I ask you to bear with me. I know I don't have much of a presence on your blogs. I need to comment more than I do to let you know I like what I see. Eventually, I won't have so much demanding my attention and I can do better with this thing. Until then, we all will have to have a little patience.

MMM: Leonard Nimoy Sings

2009-09-07T06:30:00.000-06:00

So, if you can't tell, I didn't post besides the music for this week. I almost didn't post this either. I'm in one of those places where I feel that I have more to do than I may actually have to do. I've worked double graves for the last four weekends as well as all my school stuff. I'm worn out.

Anyway, I was just kinda goofing around when I came across this little ditty. It's not the most amazing songwriting, nor is Nimoy the best singer in the world here (though I heard he did play Tevya in Fiddler on the Roof once). Anyway, I thought it was kinda funny and it made me smile, which is something I can use at the moment.

Sorry to be so melancholy. The song's good though. I love the Lord of the Rings and I really like Leonard Nimoy, so a combination of the two can't be all that bad, right?

MMM: Workout Help?

2009-08-31T06:30:00.002-06:00

If you haven't noticed, my tastes in music tend toward much more mellow and relaxed. It was odd for me to realize that, but I'm pretty comfortable with my tendency toward the chillaxed.

The catch is that I'm getting ready to start in the weight room. I have a workout partner and a plan and some hopes for getting my body to look a little like Ryan Reynolds (at least a little . . . c'mon it might happen . . . maybe . . . sheesh, just let a guy dream, m'kay?). Anyhoo, to keep this up, I think I'm going to need some more driving music than currently exist on my iTunes.

I found Enter Sandman by Metallica, and it seems okay, so I thought I'd present it as an example. Any suggestions would be great. Thank-ee very much. (in case embedding doesn't work, I've linked it to the title)

New New Moon Trailer

2009-08-28T10:39:00.004-06:00

A friend posted this already on her site, but I came across a slightly bigger resolution and thought I'd share.

I've just gotta say that I think Lautner is going to do the Jacob Black fans proud. Dang, he looks good.

Okay, so not that much bigger, but I still wanted to share. If you're paying close attention, you can also see Dakota Fanning as Jane.

A Twist to my Metaphor

2009-08-26T10:15:00.003-06:00

While I ride to school, I like to listen to inspirational talks. During the summer semester, I had an interesting, and a tad ironic experience.

As I was riding to school, I was having a hard time hearing the talk I was listening to. There was a lot of traffic that seemed to be drowning out what I was hearing. I stopped long enough to turn up the volume as far as I could on my iPod and tried to tune in.

While this was going on, I started thinking about how this could apply to trying to listen to the Spirit. The world creates a lot of noise that can make it hard to understand the whisperings we're supposed to hear. I was spinning this into why we need time for meditation and quiet contemplation. I was having a good time and thought it was a great little metaphor until I was almost to school and my headphone jack fell out of my iPod.

See, it turns out that I wasn't plugged all the way in to the player and that had been the reason the talk was so hard to hear. I like to think that the real lesson here is pretty obvious. Sometimes we can delude ourselves into thinking that we're trying our hardest to listen to that still small voice and complaining about how hard it is to hear because of the noise of the world around us when we haven't taken the time to make sure that we're completely plugged in to teh source of the voice.

So, that's a lesson wrapped in a metaphor, and I think maybe with a side of simile for your day.

Where the Money Is

2009-08-24T14:49:00.002-06:00

I saw this at PhD comics and thought it was pretty funny/poignant.

MMM: The Carpenters

2009-08-24T06:30:00.001-06:00

So, this was a busy week and I didn't give you any tidbits since last Monday. Sorry. If you want more information, I'll give you a quick rundown of what I did and you can ask for exposition on any of the topics mentioned.

Tuesday was the first day of our mini-vacation. We went to the Lied's Children Museum (which Heidi posted about), to Metro Pizza and to watch Night at the Museum 2 at the local cheapo theater. On Wednesday I got my teaching assignment and I bailed on my scout troop to go to my brother's house. I also double dated with my brother and went to G.I. Joe. On Thursday, I was on the lake in my brother's boat. On Friday we came back, I went to a meet-and-greet for new GAs and then began a back to back graveyard weekend.

Okay, now to the music.

Earlier I posted a song by John Denver. Today I wanted to share one by the Carpenters because between the two you have represented the vast majority of the music I listened to while growing up. This kinda crippled me socially because none of my peers even knew who these people were, but I got to appreciate some great music--even if the era was craptastic when it came to fashion (seriously, people, what were you thinking?). I still think Karen Carpenter has one of the smoothest voices ever.

So, in honor of school beginning for me on Monday (ready or not), I decided this song would be appropriate.

To show just how geeky I am, I offer the following tidbit: if you'll notice, Karen drums her hands against her thighs beginning at about 1:50. When the band originally formed, she was the drummer and didn't sing at all. Her brother convinced her to start singing and the rest is history.

To show that my geekiness is also an up-to-date thing, I offer the following: cakes inspired by Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog.

MMM: Last of the Mohicans

2009-08-17T06:30:00.000-06:00

When Heidi and I were first married, we decided that we would never have any R rated movies in our house. We have bent this rule only once, and that was for a class I was taking as a sort of no alternatives thing. Heidi finally admitted that if she were to ever allow any exception to the rule it would be 1992's Last of the Mohicans.

The film is by no means a faithful adaptation of the book, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Sort of like Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings trilogy, Michael Mann focused more on the action than on the description and conversations. I think it worked nicely. This movie was also my first introduction to Daniel Day-Lewis, and most likely will always be my favorite.

Anyway, for today, I thought I'd offer up the signature piece from the film, because this is one of my most favorite soundtracks of all time. Again, the video isn't much to watch, but the soundtrack is awesome.

First Scout Camp

2009-08-13T12:26:00.002-06:00

I got back from my first scout camp in over 10 years yesterday. We hiked up an area of Mt. Charleston called Mummy's Toe. It was just under 10 miles round trip and I learned a lot. I thought I'd share a few things:

1. Shoes you wear all the time may not fit you well for hiking. The big, clunky hiking boots you leave at home in the closet would have probably prevented the blisters you got from the ones you wore.

2. Always make sure you know exactly who is bringing the food. I understood that the scoutmaster was going to bring up food for everyone and make the boys pack it in. He understood that everyone would pack their own food.

3. You can actually do pretty well on just granola bars, trail mix and fruit cups on a 10 mile hike if you don't think about it too much.

4. Also, when other hikers bring a full bag of chips, you can help them "reduce weight" by finishing off the bag of chips when they're done (and garden salsa sun chips are very tasty).

5. Bringing an air mattress and battery-powered pump is great for sleeping at night.

6. Bringing an air mattress and battery-powered pump is not so great for carting around on a 10 mile hike.

7. Basic camping/hiking gear doesn't fit on a 6' 7" body (my hiking pack from Wal-Mart was too short to wear comfortably, along with other things).

8. The down side to being the caboose for a hike is listening to the complaints from the kids who trail behind.

9. The up side to being the caboose is that you get to hike at a pretty leisurely pace, hiding just how un-fit you are until you are moved from the end-of-the-train position.

10. There are actually stars over Las Vegas! You can actually see 'em if you get away from the city.

11. You can actually hear silence when you haven't heard it for a while.

12. Shooting stars are really cool.

13. Some of our scouts have a ways to go.

14. Some of our scouts are already very good at both camping and helping out the less-capable among them.

15. Though I'm not quite as good at it as I should be, I have a very awesome calling.

MMM: Be Still

2009-08-10T11:43:00.002-06:00

Last night I wrote in my journal about the fact that I was feeling a lot of anxiety. It's coming from several angles, some legitimate sources and some not. I've had more stress than I anticipated from the summer course that I taught and I've generally been more frazzled than I should be.

That's both my explanation for why my post is delayed today and why I decided to post what I am posting. Y'see, I have a bit of a predisposition toward pessimism, toward looking more for clouds than for silver linings. While I was on my mission, I decided that it may help to memorize a hymn to combat that. After some thought, I settled on this one.

I think it's appropriate that this is a very simple arrangement. It's just the singer, a couple of strings and a piano. It's not a major production number and makes it all the more effective for being so. When we keep our lives simple, we can better feel the stirrings of the Spirit around us.

So, today I'm going to work some on de-cluttering. While I do, take a listen.

I Had a Dream

2009-08-06T17:46:00.004-06:00

Today was a really rough day. It wasn't the worst day, but it was a bit of a psychological roller coaster. I think I can blame most of it on a dream I had last night. I don't usually assign a whole lot of deep meaning to my dreams, but I know this one affected me more than perhaps it should have.

The dream seemed to last the whole night and can be pretty easily summed up. I dreamt that I said or did something that so deeply upset everyone that they left me, and I mean everyone. I only started noticing specific people when it got down to my immediate family, so I watched as my dad, mom and brothers all packed my big screen TV and a bunch of my stuff into the back of their Cadillac (yeah, we don't own a big screen TV and they don't own a Caddy, but that's how dreams work sometimes). As the dream progressed, we moved into a smaller and smaller place until it was just Heidi and me and Luke in a studio apartment. Eventually, Heidi turned her back to me and crawled into the crib with Luke.

Another weird aspect to the dream was that I kept getting more and more beast-like as the dream progressed, growing tusks, bony ridges on my head and lots of fur.

I know the whole thing was a dream, and certain things were obviously dream-like enough that I didn't believe it was real. Having said that, there must have been some sort of psychological resonance because I woke up and still felt the same sense of abandonment, that nobody really cared. I know logically that that's total garbage, but the feelings persisted for a while this morning and really set the tone for the day.

Not sure why I wanted to share that, but I thought I'd throw it out there. Anyone else ever have a dream that really messed you up?

MMM: Something Happy

2009-08-03T06:30:00.003-06:00

While I was preparing for class the other day, I remembered a clip from the film Finding Forrester (how's that alliteration?). Every time I think of the film, it reminds me of the first time I heard a song that nearly always helps me feel the happies.

This song, though it seems to have no direct correlation to the movie, ran under the credits at the end. At some point, I'm going to need to add this to my iTunes library and put it in a "Stop Being Grumpy" playlist.

Until then, I'll just have to come here to listen.

Shaving Day Two

2009-07-30T10:19:00.002-06:00

My second day of shaving with this new system was a little less perfect. There may be several factors for this, but I wanted to share. Honestly, this is probably more for my own self-interest than for your benefit, but I figure this is one of the few places I can do things my own way without getting into any trouble.

Several sites I researched suggested exfoliating to make the shave go better. So, after my shower last night, I snagged some of Heidi's exfoliating stuff and smeared it over my face. Once I had the gritty stuff all over my forehead, nose, cheeks and neck, Heidi said, "You're not supposed to do your whole face. I thought it was just where you were going to shave."

Ah, well, no one's perfect.

I rinsed off as best as I could and began the shave. One thing I've noticed both times is that I'm more acutely aware of the way the blade is actually catching and cutting the hairs. It makes me a bit nervous from time to time, but seems to be fine as long as I trust the razor to do the cutting and resist the impulse to add some oomph to the draw of the blade.

The shave really changed when I got to under my chin. It seemed much rougher. It took more time and patience to get through without pulling. Afterward my neck felt a bit razor-burned. I was worried, until I noticed this morning that I had some redness running down my neck. I think the exfoliating stuff irritated my skin more than the razor did. I don't have any razor burn, just the tingling.

They say that it takes a month to get used to this new system. Shave #1 was very encouraging. I think the biggest problem with shave #2 was that I added a variable (the exfolation) without being sure of my baseline first.

I've discovered that the courser stubble on my chin is best removed with a second lather and pass. I've also discovered that that stiptic pencil is awesome. I got two nicks this time and the thing sealed 'em right up. No blood trail down my face and no little toilet paper stickies to mar my rugged good looks.

So, for anyone who cares, that's my story. If you don't care, beware because I think I may just let you know how shave #3 goes as well.

Perhaps this is an indication of things to come for the direction this blog may or may not take in the future. I'm toying with making my overarching theme a sort of travelogue of my journey toward the realization of my own personal definition of true manliness. So, if that's something that doesn't interest you, chime in now and tell me what you'd like to feast your eyes upon when you take the time to visit my ramblings.

A New/Old Razor

2009-07-29T14:59:00.004-06:00

For the last little while, I've been having a hard time finding razors that I like. They all seemed more expensive than they should be for as long as they lasted and some of them were of downright poor quality for scraping my face.

I've been poking around a little about what to do, but didn't really settle on a solution until I came across this website (also linked on my sidebar). They suggested to go really retro and do what's called a wet shave. Basically, they suggest that the most economical and the closest shave a guy can get is using the method my grandpa used: an old fashioned safety razor.

I shopped around and eventually found a setup that will work for now, and also has the benefit of being upgradeable for prettiness and quality over time.

I got the razor for $15 at an antique store, with a box of razors for $3. I got the bowl, boar hair brush and soap for about $8 at Wal-Mart and threw in a stiptic pencil (that's the little white thing. It's used instead of toilet paper to stop nicks) for under $2. Refill razors are 10 for about $2 at Wal-Mart. So, over the course of a year, if I follow the plan as laid out, this setup will average out to less than $1 a week to shave. That price will drop for a while because I'll only be spending about 20 cents a week on razors. But enough math, sheesh. How well does it work?

I first tried this new system on Monday night. I had about four days' worth of stubble on my face, so I was anticipating a fair amount of nicks (that's why I splurged on the pencil-thingy). I followed the instructions I found here and here and took it slow. The result was one nick, a little agitation of my damaged chin nerves, and no razor burn and a shave close enough that Heidi was surprised.

Needless to say, I'm convinced. I remember my Grandpa Bahlmann had a safety razor that opened at the top, kinda like a set of bay doors rather than unscrewing the whole head the way mine does. Eventually, I'm going to go for one of those, maybe I'll see if Grandpa still uses his. I have also found out that badger hair brushes are the ideal lather builders, so I'll go for one of those and maybe eventually a fancy stand to hold the brush so it can dry bristle side down. This makes it even more fun for me. I'll have something to look forward to in my shaving supplies now instead of dreading trying to figure out the cheapest and least painful disposables amongst all the offerings.

To all the guys who belong to the dames who read this, I just have to say you gotta try this thing. It's awesome.

MMM: In Memoriam

2009-07-27T12:58:00.002-06:00

The following music video is a tribute to a friend I lost recently. I was introduced to him through my brother and he has stuck with me through the entirety of my Masters degree. I've had to take him in to a specialist, loaded him with more of my stuff than I ever should have.

He was taken from me just yesterday. We had a good ride together. I'll miss you man!

Okay, to be on the safe side, I was talking about my bike, not a person.

I also thought I might mention that it came up in class and one of my students offered me a bike for $25. Probably not as high quality as the one I lost, but if it gets me from point A to point B relatively comfortably I won't complain too much.

Also, our landlord's pretty upset and has a son on the police force in Las Vegas who said he'll be looking into it. While I don't think it gives me any guarantee, I do think it increases my odds of getting my bike back to at least the "possible" category.

Bummer

2009-07-27T10:05:00.002-06:00

Well, now. It seems both Heidi and I are a little less than exciting right now. We both seem to be unable to muster the energy to post on our scheduled days and neither of us are sure that these Monday postings generate any real interest from our intrepid readers--sometimes I wonder just how intrepid my readers are.

I'm not really trying to whine. Nor am I begging for affirmative comments. It's just that at the moment the payoff isn't quite worth the investment.

The fact that my bike was stolen yesterday may factor in to that lack of impetus. I used it every day to get to school and now don't know how to make it work so Heidi has a vehicle during the day when she needs it while I have a way to get to school that doesn't take 45 minutes and leave me melted by the time I get anywhere.

Wah, wah. Complain, complain. Come back later and I'll give you something more peppy.

Yesterday . . .

2009-07-23T14:14:00.003-06:00

This is going to be a bit scattered, but I thought I ought to update you on what's going on, life-wise, for me.

I have been called to be the assistant scout master for the Hacienda Ward. Heidi's been called to the Primary presidency. As part of my calling, I thought I ought to get a new scout shirt (since I've actually technically never owned an official scout shirt). When I get it put together, I'll post a picture.

Anyway, we decided to take care of that and some other things yesterday. This was in part due to the fact that I cancelled class for the day, and that's part of what made yesterday such an interesting day.

The night before, I had plugged in my USB drive to work on grades for the class I'm teaching. It wouldn't communicate with the computer. It didn't even light up to show that it was functioning. It was broken. After a friend talked with his brother who's got a Masters in computer science, he let me know that I was most likely up the proverbial creek with a leaky boat and no paddle. Between that and the fact that I never got the information from the department which I was supposed to use to teach class, I figured I'd call it a wash.

Instead, we went to the scout store to buy the patches and shirt that I'd need. On the way we got a little lost and I even made Heidi lose her sense of direction (a pretty impressive feat if I do say so).

We also spent some time at the pool. Marcus is now going down the water slide there on his own. Luke likes going under the rope and getting his face wet now. Anneke likes to go into the deeper part. They're all growing up.

It was very fulfilling and reinvigorating to spend the day with my favorite people. While I've lost not only my grade book but also a story I was working on, many papers I wrote for school, some letters I've written to Heidi, talks I've written for church and a few other things, being able to spend time with my family made it so that I'm really not too distraught about it.

Truth is, all things considered, my life is very good.

Oh, and Mom, you can say "I told you" so if you'd like. 'Cause you did and you were right.

MMM: Happy Birthday and a Plea

2009-07-20T06:30:00.003-06:00

I figured for Anneke's birthday, this would be appropriate.

For the next bit, since that was so short, I'm asking for some help. I've recently become a fan of the slide guitar style that Keb' Mo' uses in my patriotic song. I'm trying to find more like it. I may be asking for help from those who don't know, but I've been surprised in the past with the wealth of knowledge possessed by those around me. As near as I can tell, it's a sort of blues slide guitar. I like the mellow acoustic sound and would love to find some that I could maybe download into my iTunes. Can any of you point me in the right direction?

Here's another example of the sound I'm liking.

I've even tried looking at ardentoctopus' website, as far as I could locate it, but this seems to be a bit of an anomaly as far as their style goes. I'm really kinda stumped.

Anyhoo, enjoy it if you want to. Ignore it if you don't.

Best Batman Moment Ever

2009-07-16T12:31:00.002-06:00

Through another website I enjoy skimming, I was pointed toward a group of videos on youtube called "inappropriate soundtracks" (this is inappropriate in that the music really shouldn't be used the way it is, not in the "adult content" meaning of the word. Trust me, this is totally kid-friendly). We came across this gem and I thought I might want to share. A couple of minutes afterward, Heidi said, "You have to post that!"

So, without further ado, something to make your day a little different:

If that didn't make you smile, then I can't help you much.

MMM: Songs I Once Could Play Pt. 1

2009-07-13T06:30:00.000-06:00

I can play the piano just well enough that I can get through a song if I've memorized it. I really can't sight-read or come even close to playing the hymns well. I'd love to play better but haven't yet developed the drive to do so, nor do I currently have the time and equipment at the moment.

Anyway, when I was on my mission, I decided to try to learn to play better. I figured Enya was safe for a missionary and started to work on a couple of songs. This was one of them.

I don't much like the video, but I don't mind too much. It's the song that's important.

Y Chromosome Flu

2009-07-09T18:18:00.003-06:00

****Warning: This Blog Contains Reference to Things Exiting the Body in Ways They're Not Supposed to. If This is Something You Would Prefer to Avoid, I Suggest Surfing Elsewhere Until the Next Update. Just Thought You Might Want to Know****

Two days ago, Luke spent nearly the whole

day emptying his stomach and then dry heaving. We think he may have picked it up from his friend, a kid whom Heidi babysits. He and his dad were sick for a while, but they thought the kid was better and brought him over. It interrupted our plans for a mini-date (if the kids are asleep and you watch a movie together, you can call it a mini-date, right?). But we bore it with the stoic resignation necessary for dealing with sick kids.

Before I woke up, Marcus joined in the joys of jettisoning the stomach contents. First thing I did--yeah, well . . . I decided to play along. After more than ten years of being able to claim a stomach of iron, I fell. Heidi had never seen me brought so low before.

So, two families got this illness. In both, all the males succumbed and none of the females (thus far, knock on wood). So, either the feminist angle of the presentation I went to called "Chicks Who Kick A#$" (and yes that was the official title) poisoned me and mine or there's a new brand of illness out there which targets only men.

Considering that most of the guys I know get really cranky when they're sick, this may be more dangerous than the pig flu is supposed to be. Beware and watch your hubbies and sons. We don't yet know how it's transmitted. By reading this it may have infected your home via the internet! Gasp!

A Bit of a Political Rant

2009-07-08T11:38:00.002-06:00

I tend to avoid too much in the way of politics on this blog. While I don't have a theme per se as of yet, I know that I really don't want to make it about politics, both because I tend to think they're kinda dumb and because I don't think I have the background necessary to speak too intelligently about the issues.

Having said that, I'm annoyed about something and wanted to talk it out.

Shortly after Michael Jackson died, on July 4th, North Korea launched a nuclear missile. While we have told them not to do it or there would be consequences, our response has been to decide that we need to talk about this problem. We're going to call a meeting to talk about how to respond because what we decided to do we didn't really want to do.

The thing is that basic child psychology explains that every time you give your kids an ultimatum you must follow through. If you don't, they'll know that you don't mean what you say and that they can push you around. I've seen it happen to kids I know and it gets to the point where the kids are completely convinced that they can do whatever they want without fear of consequence.

This sort of philosophy works just as well for adults as it does for kids. I dare say it works for nations as well.

I mentioned this online and someone responded that sometimes it's best just to ignore bad behavior. Negative reinforcement is giving attention when that may be exactly what they're looking for.

The problem with that philosophy is that North Korea is doing more than just crying for attention. If a kid threatens to kill you, you may ignore it as a cry of attention. If this same kid starts waving a loaded gun around, you really need to do something about it.

I love the idea of loving everyone and living and letting live. Unfortunately, not everyone responds well to warm snugglies and frequently require a more proactive approach. If we don't follow through on our conditions against them. Otherwise they may actually shoot at something next time.

I'm just saying, child psychology is applicable here. That's my take anyway. If you think I'm off here, let me know. I may blame it on being sick, but I'm pretty sure the theory is sound.

MMM: America the Beautiful

2009-07-06T06:30:00.001-06:00

July 4th is one of those holidays that could really be celebrated better. Despite what some may say, America is one of the greatest nations in the world. If we lived back in the day, America would own Germany, Japan, Korea and a great deal of the rest of the world through right of conquest. Instead, after we defeated these places, we gave them resources to help rebuild themselves.

I grant you that we aren't perfect, but I know that the founding fathers were inspired in the way they structured the government of this nation. I dare say that if we stuck more to the way they set it up we'd be better off.

Thanks to all the folk in fatigues out there doing their best to spread freedom to the world. I probably wouldn't be here if you hadn't been there (I guess I've said that before, but it bears repeating).

Anyway, I'm not sure what I want to say. Maybe I'll have something a little more impressive later.

I heard once that Willie Nelson said he thought that America the Beautiful was a better choice for our national anthem than the Star Spangled Banner. I have to say that there's some merit to the idea.

Anyway, here's a rendition that I really kinda like. Hope you enjoy.

Independence Day

2009-07-04T10:17:00.001-06:00

One of the things we got with our new apartment was free satellite TV. It’s been a bit of a mixed blessing and something that has required some adjustments. We spend most of our time on one of the various versions of the Disney channel. Recently, they’ve been advertising their 4^th of July fare. It’s that which prompted what follows.

For the 4^th of July, the Disney channel is going to be showing Tarzan and Happy Feet. While I actually enjoyed Tarzan and can say nothing for or against the dancing penguins, I’m disturbed. They’re billing these films as their Independence Day celebratory films. Neither one takes place in America. As far as I know, neither has an American character in the entirety of their stories. Rather than showing Johnny Tremaine or Davey Crockett or something else that celebrates America’s Independence Day—I know they have films in their vault better suited than this, I even dare say Pocahontas would be more apropos—they show films that have no tangible connection to the reason behind the 4^th.

I think this underscores a sad trend in American society.

Keep in mind, this is sort of a thinking out loud thing, but close enough to true that I’m going to post what I say.

I wonder how many of us, speaking of the American collective, have ever read the Constitution or the Declaration of Independence. How many of us know the symbology behind the Stars and Stripes? Or why our national anthem is “The Star Spangled Banner”? Do we remember why we celebrate our nation’s birth with fireworks?

I think that somewhere in our shuffle to be more politically correct and multicultural we may have lost sight of our patriotism. Now, I want to be clear that I don’t think we should abandon our heritage when we come here. I’m very proud of my Dutch grandparents. But I’m also very proud of my radio operator grandpa who went over to Korea to try to make things better for others.

I’m proud of a father-in-law who was willing to serve his nation rather than vacation in Canada during the Vietnam conflict. I’m proud of a brother-in-law in Afghanistan right now helping to make things better there. I’m proud of my friend in California serving in the Navy. Those who make the choice to serve deserve our respect, no matter what we think of the wars they may be fighting.

I’m proud to be in a country where a chicken wrangler can get up on stage with a guitar and sing a song and bring an audience to its feet. I’m proud to say we live in a nation where he can cry at his success.

I’m disturbed by those of us at home who cry out to bring out troops home from Iraq, but demand that we save Tibet or Darfur. How many of us truly understand how the people in these places feel about America?

Can we even still say that we’re proud to be Americans? Do we even know what that means anymore?

What does it mean now to be American? Is it possible to just be American anymore? Or do we now have to hyphenate or categorize? Can a liberal just be American? Can a Republican? I think maybe, in all our bickering, mud-slinging and fault-finding we’ve lost sight of what made this country great in the first place. We used to be a country of high morals. We started out by fighting for what we thought was right, regardless of the consequences. Our first politicians were willing to sacrifice everything for what they believed was right. Some of them died, were left destitute, lost friends, family members, everything simply for what was right.

I wonder how many of our elected officials would be willing to do the same. I wonder how many of them really could comprehend morality. I wonder how many Americans in general could.

My wife mentioned that we are now paying as high a percentage of taxes as that which drove the American colonies to rebel. I know that we now technically have taxation with representation, but I sometimes wonder how much our representatives actually represent us. And if they don’t, meaning if the government isn’t governing by the voice of the people, would we actually try to do anything about it? I really wonder.

I don’t mean to sound defeatist. I also don’t want to come across as being a political zealot. I just think we’d be wise to use this day to really take some time and look at what made this country so great that it, at least in part, prompted a great deal of political upheaval in Europe. In the beginning they got a lot of things right, a lot of things that I think we’ve let fall by the wayside.

I’m still working out what it means to me to be American. What does it mean to you? When you figure it out, I hope you can say with fervor, “I’m proud to be an American.”

MMM: Anneke's Other Favorite Song

2009-06-29T06:39:00.003-06:00

While I was in Oxford, I downloaded a song from iTunes on a whim.

It quickly became one of my favorites as I was away from my favorite girl. It seems to do a very good job of describing the feelings I get around Heidi. It's soft and mellow. It's just a pretty song.

This song ended up being one of "our songs". Then when Anneke heard it she claimed it as one of her favorites. She knows pretty much all the words and sings along any time she hears it.

Whenever people complain that iTunes never offers good songs for free, I always think of this song. Sure, they may not offer a lot of good free stuff, but every now and then they give you a gem.

This music video is really mellow and laid back. It compliments this song perfectly. I'd love to live on the beach for a while, just being able to kick back and live without any real complications. That's how the song feels and that's how the video feels too.

Buffy Summers Vs. Edward Cullen

2009-06-27T19:47:00.003-06:00

I just stumbled across this gem where Edward decides to go after Buffy (from Buffy the Vampire Slayer in case you didn't know).

If you're a die-hard Edward fan, it may not float your boat, but I liked it.

Also, just because it's a good indicator of a better film to come, here's the trailer for New Moon.

Things I Learned While Heidi was at Girl's Camp

2009-06-24T15:29:00.001-06:00

It is possible for a van’s sliding door to close entirely on a seven year old’s finger.

Having a van door close on your finger can send you into shock.

Chicken pizza helps alleviate shock.

Anneke is a force to be reckoned with.

Top Gear is a bizarrely funny show.

A bed meant to hold two people is never comfortable when one of them is missing.

It’s very hard to read Brian (one of the brothers who came to help. I don’t know how much he enjoyed his stay and I worry that he didn’t have a good time).

Our landlord is very impressed by a 15 year old with a published book.

He’s less impressed by graduate students (but I knew that one already).

Heidi’s very presence makes it easier for me to stay organized and focused.

My house doesn’t feel like home if she’s not there (it ain’t warm when she’s away).

Luke has a love/fear relationship with swings.

He also has a hard time keeping his balance on chairs and stools on a tile floor.

Even moveable dishwashers won’t wash dishes without a water source.

There is no place to buy swords at the Excalibur.

It turns out my brother would have liked a graduation gift that included shooting big guns at the Gun Store.

I can’t make tater tots so they stay together and/or have crispy outsides.

But I can actually do the laundry all by myself apparently without mishap.

Trying to be a single parent while going to class and getting homework done is tough. Having someone there to help makes it better, but then I feel like I have to make sure they’re entertained.

Heidi hasn’t completely lost her silly streak, she just hides it well most of the time.

Spending the week in “on” mode can wear a guy out.

Apparently, it can also wear out the kids.

According to our bishop and members of our ward (i.e. congregation), Heidi and I go together like peanut butter and chocolate. They also maintain that Heidi’s the chocolate.

When I know I’m going to see Heidi after she’s been away, I have a hard time sleeping.

So does Anneke (I stay up late. She gets up early. It’s not a good combination).

It may be sad, it may be unhealthy, it maybe whatever you want to say it is, but I really don’t like spending time away from my wife, even when it’s for a good purpose. I’d rather be with her than anywhere else in the world (even on a motorcycle, but then again if she’s on the back that just makes it perfect, right?).